Most days it's not unusual for me to feel a little overwhelmed by my responsibilities as a stepmom. It's not necessarily hard, it's just overwhelming... because it's different. Very different from mothering your own children. It's not the act of mothering that's overwhelming (that comes very natural to me), it's the fact that you're 'mothering or parenting' on top of someone else's mothering/parenting - and sometimes it seems like it all gets muddied up in the process. (if that makes any sense!)
I sometimes feel guilty that I feel overwhelmed, because I have been blessed with a great relationship with my stepkids, which in a weird sort of way is why I feel overwhelmed - because you see, sometimes I 'forget' they are not my own, and so when they respond, or don't respond, as the case may be in the way I'm expecting them to - it takes me by surprise, and I have to remind myself, "oh, right, they haven't been trained or disciplined since birth to ... " But, I have to say that in another weird sort of way - it makes those 'little moments' much more precious. I love it when they happen, and I love it when I notice them happening. For instance, a few days ago Matthew called me just to tell me he knew what he wanted for his birthday. That seems like a small thing, but it's the kind of thing my kids would do. So the fact that Matthew would call me just to tell me made me feel more like a 'mom.' And last night, I was standing at the sink rinsing the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher, and Aaron was wiping off the table and telling me about something that happened at school ... again just the way my kids did when they were in high school... and I thought, "wow, I'm honored he shares his stories with me." (Do his 'real' parents know what they are missing?...) Little moments, they make everything else worth it...
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