The Silence hung there...

My blog isn't really a public blog...so, this is more just for me, I guess. I don't really see or talk to my oldest son on a regular basis. Once upon a time, we were very close ... but not so much anymore. A lot of things have happened to create the wedge between us now. Until last night, I hadn't talked to him since Mother's Day - and I haven't seen him in at least two years (and he only lives 30 minutes away). In the months since that last talk - he and his wife have started the adoption process on their 4th child (the 3rd child they have adopted). This newest addition is a little girl, Leah, who is 9 months old. They've had her in their home since she was two days old and I didn't know. They have a little boy, Ty, who is 16 months old and I've seen one time for about 30 minutes last Christmas... The two older boys I've had more interaction with, but not much. Why am I writing all of this? I'm not really sure. It just felt odd to talk to my son last night. What do you say? ... After the 'how are you's?' and 'how's work?' and 'I bet the kids are getting big.' What do you say?... and after 10 or 15 minutes, the silence just hung there... and I think it made us both a little sad. Remembering days, years ago, when we never ran out of things to talk about. But a lot was different back then... Still is was good to talk to him, to hear his voice, to hear him say after the silence - 'love you Mom'. ... Love you, too Rick. (Merry Christmas)

A different perspective...

Once again, my journal entry began with the words, Southern California is burning... Over the weekend, firefighters battled fires in highly populated areas of Southern California ... Brea, Yorba Linda, Corona, Diamond Bar ... You can't help being drawn to the 24/7 live coverage of those fires raging out of control. It's mesmerizing in a way, and then you feel guilty for 'watching' as people lose their homes, and possessions. Ron has friends and co-workers living in those cities. We watched in disbelief as people were forced to evacuate their homes, hundreds of which burned to the ground. Monday morning, as the fires were finally 'contained,' we found out that his supervisor's house was one of the homes in Yorba Linda which was destroyed. It changes your whole perspective watching the fires when you know someone personally who has lost so much. Our thoughts and prayers go out to Alex ... and to the hundreds of others we don't know who lost their homes...

Just when you thought...

Today was one of those days I woke up feeling overwhelmed... After basically fixing dinner 3 times last night (yes, 3 times!)...and doing dishes each time, is it any wonder I left the crock pot plugged in all night?! Not only was it plugged in, it was still on and the spaghetti sauce still simmering ... uh, make that still burning. Why 3 dinners? Well, I ate before taking Matthew to practice (at 5:30 p.m.); then just as I was dropping Matthew off at practice, Aaron called -


Deiga, I'm finished with football practice - do you want to pick me up at school or mom's?


Well, gee - I'm at the community field with Matthew, have you tried calling your dad? (He was supposed to be on his way to the ball field)


Yes, but he didn't answer.


Ok...I'll come pick you up right now.


But, picking him up now means I have to take him home and he will be starving, so I'll have to cook the noodles and bread for him, and do it all again after Matt's football practice for Ron and Matthew. Oh, well... so I fix Aaron's dinner and sit and chat with him while he eats. And, sure enough I do it all again at 8:15 p.m. for the other two.



By now, I'm exhausted. Tired of cooking. Tired of doing dishes - and it's election night, so I'm also trying to keep an eye on the results ... which is why I guess I left the crock pot on. All of that to explain why when I woke up this morning - I was feeling overwhelmed.



Aaron and I ended up having breakfast together this morning, and over our coffee we were wondering if proposition 8 had passed or not. (For my non-California readers, that's the proposition to protect tradtional marriage in the state of California.) He went off to school...and while I'm getting ready for work I'm feeling down about being overwhelmed by life and wondering if I need counseling or something... then I hear my cell phone ring. I'm thinking someone has forgotten something ... I check and it's a text message from Aaron -

"Yes on 8 passed."

Funny, how that simple text message changed my attitude and my day. It wasn't the fact that the proposition passed, it was the fact that Aaron thought about me when he found out and took the time to send that simple text message.

I'm still overwhelmed ... but I feel better about it.

Dear Sarah...

(Sarah graduated from Redlands High School, June 11. At church last Sunday, we honored the graduates in our congregation with the parents reading letters to their graduate. This is mine to Sarah).

Wow, how you have grown since I first met you a little over 4 years ago. How can the beautiful young lady sitting here today, be the same gangly little 13-year-old tomboy I met back then? Sometime when your Dad and I weren’t looking, you grew up!

When I first thought about writing this letter to you, I wondered what I could say. After all I have only been part of your life for four years. I wasn’t there when you took your first steps, or your first day of school ... so, what could I share with you. But as I flipped through the pages of my journals, and the pages in my mind, I realized you may have only been part of my life for four years, but you’ve been a very big part of my life those four years and I’ve stored up many memories of you. Moments we’ve shared that hold a special place in my heart...

I got called into duty very early on in the relationship with your dad. Do you remember when I took you and your brothers to the 66er’s game while your Dad was painting that house (which you and I both agree took way too long). We had free general admission tickets. We sat on the blanket, watching the game, watching the people ... then a foul ball was hit our way. A thousand kids were tracking it...it bounced on the ground and up onto the awning just above where we were sitting, rolled off the awning and right into your hands! How we kept from being trampled by all the others trying to catch the ball, I don’t know - but you were so excited you ended up with it, and couldn’t wait to tell your Dad. I had a great time hanging out with you that night.

Then there was the time when there weren’t enough parents to go around. Your Dad was with Aaron at one football game, your Mom and Matthew were at another game somewhere else, and you had freshman basketball practice - so I took you. Since then, I’ve spent many hours in a gym watching you play basketball, and after four years I’m beginning to understand the game. But whether or not I know all the rules of the game, I have admired both your enthusiasm for the game and your intenseness as a competitor... and, of course, along with everyone else I love cheering for you whenever you make a basket or block a shot ...

I remember a day, when we all lived in The Highlands apartment complex, when you showed up at my door with a package of spaghetti noodles and a jar of spaghetti sauce asking if I could teach you to cook...now, that’s funny for several reasons. That cooking ‘lesson’ ended up with me fixing dinner and you instant messaging your friends on the computer... And, speaking of cooking, who can forget the Thanksgiving we cooked at home. We were all so thankful for the turkey dinner on Thanksgiving day...and just as thankful it was all gone on Sunday! We still laugh about that one...
The best memory of all was when your Dad and I got married last year. Yours and your brothers’ support of our marriage has made the transition into a blended family much smoother than I thought it would. And I smile every time a conversation begins with...."Do you remember when?...". it’s those common experiences and shared memories that have helped mold the five of us into a family and gives all of us a sense of belonging.

Beyond the memories of fun times and experiences we have shared, I have also enjoyed ‘watching’ you grow as a person. I have seen you handle difficult situations with grace and dignity. I’ve seen you cope with the unfairness in life - continuing to do your best even when the odds seemed to be against you...and I’ve seen you turn to God in times of stress - not as a last resort, but as the only One you knew could, and would, see you through the challenges you were facing...

As I proudly watched you graduate a couple of weeks ago, I noticed the inscription at the top of the stage at the Bowl..."Without vison, people perish." And it occurred to me that is what your Dad and I have been talking with you about a lot recently at the dinner table ~ to have a vision, a goal and just as importantly, have a plan on how to achieve your vision or goal, because without a plan to go somewhere, you will automatically end up nowhere.

This is the first time for your Dad, but I’ve been in this spot before, and I know one of the most difficult things to do in life as a parent is to let your children go. We spend our lives trying to prepare you to grow up and be independent and then when you are, we’re like wait, we’re not ready yet! We are afraid we haven’t prepared you enough, or equipped you with everything you need to make the right decisions, to survive, to achieve. In reality, it’s not that we haven’t prepared you, it’s because we want to protect you. It’s much easier if we can still make the decisions for you - because then we can keep you from making the same mistakes we did, we want to protect you from the big, bad world... but, we can’t do that of course, because now is your time...and we have to trust that what we have done is enough.

I know you have set a couple of goals - to play college basketball, and to become a lawyer - so while you are on the journey to achieve them ~ remember this, you have parents, and grandparents, and a step-mom who love you very much and you just go for it, girl!

The Road Home...

We've been house hunting... it may be all about location, location, location - but right now it's also about timing. The current housing market with lower prices and a huge inventory has made this the right time for us to buy a home in Southern California. Ideally, we wanted to purchase the home we have been renting.

1. Because we already live there (no moving involved)


2. It's big enough for all of us


3. We love the location - close to everything, but a very quiet neighborhood.


4. Did I mention - we wouldn't have to pack and move cuz we're already here?...

But, alas, we cannot buy this house. The owners want more than we can afford. But we had to ask you know - if you don't ask, you never know...

So, during the months of April and May, I looked at probably 15 houses. I narrowed the field down and then Ron looked at the top 3 or 4... We thought we had found the perfect house, even put an offer in on it, but the bank didn't want to pay the closing costs, and really didn't seem to be too motivated. There were renters in the house and I wasn't sure who would be responsible in their exit... but we liked the house, even though we knew it would need a lot of TLC before it was ready to live in. Nothing too major - except the carpet, which was 1) an ugly color of green and 2) very dirty (plus the tenant smoked, so you know it would be necessary to remove the window coverings, carpet, and paint all of the walls. An overwhelming task to think about - but we loved the layout, it had a master bath to die for! The location was good and we saw the potential ... but God had better things in mind for us...

Known by name...

I went to pick up a prescription the other day. As I approached the counter, before I even said anything, the woman working there said, "Bennett, right? You used to be Brummett, but now you're Bennett." I was shocked. "Yes," I replied -" it's Bennett now. I'm impressed you know me by name"... I paid for my prescription, but as I walked to my car, I was still shaking my head in amazement that in today's impersonal world - where we send email rather than handwritten cards, and text message instead of calling - a pharmacy clerk would know me by name. I felt so honored and special. And I couldn't help thinking, if I felt special because a pharmacy clerk knew me by name, how much more special should I feel that the God and creator of the universe knows me by name! In Exodus 33:12 Moses acknowledges God has called him to lead his people and that God knows him by name. And in Isaiah 43, God reminds Israel not too worry about what they are facing, because He has called them by name. God knew Moses' name, he knew the names of the people of Israel, and God knows me by name, too. He even knows the very number of hairs on my head. (and, judging by the amount of hair in the shower each day, keeping track of the hairs on my head would be a full time job right there!). Anyway, the experience at the pharmacy made a huge impression on me. So many people today are hungering for a connection. It's one reason kids join gangs, that need to belong, to be connected, to be known. It reminded me, again, how important it is to notice people, to make the connection and, when possible, to call them by name. It sure made my day...to be known by name.