In the company of Friends...

Ron and I decided we're an odd lot... because three of our best friends are stuffed animals! Really... It all began on Valentine's Day a couple of years ago when Ron took me to Build-a-Bear. I chose the softest, most huggable, teddy bear. We named him Roneoo, and he's has been my constant friend ever since. (an I love you message from Ron plays when you press Roneoo's paw) Then Junior came along. .. Jr. is a small Teddy Bear. My 'welcome home' gift from Ron on one of my return trips from visiting my kids and grandkids. Jr. was a welcome friend to me (and Roneoo) and the two of them are propped up on the bed pillows every day...and snuggle buddies every night. Then Ron and I got married, and one day - at the end of a stressful day, I walked into the living room and found 'Barney' (yes, of purple dinosaur fame) propped up on the couch. When I picked him up, and pressed my finger on his tummy - he sang: I love you, you love me. We're a happy fam-i-ly. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me, too! Well, what could I do but adopt Barney, too! He had made me smile ... Ron, who didn't really like the Barney videos, somehow took a liking to Barney and insists he stay propped up on the living room sofa pillows ... My first thought was, well - we'll see... but in the midst of my new crazy life with two teenagers and one who thinks he is... Barney is a sweet reminder of what is most important in this new crazy life of mine. Yes, we may be an odd lot - with three of our best companions being stuffed animals (who would have thunk it?). But when situations get tense, Ron simply pushes Barney's tummy and the song begins, I love you... you love me... we're a happy fam-i-ly... Yes, we are.

A Stocking with My Name...

I'm not sure I've ever had store-bought Christmas stockings before...but I was desperate this year. I had 10 stockings at my house and none of them had our names on them. They were the ones for my kids and grandkids. (Funny...since I've always been with Michael and Melinda for Christmas, I've always taken their stockings with me. And, they had my stocking at their house!)

I couldn't hang up their stockings if I didn't have ones for me and my new family. I thought about making them - but even if I was motivated, 5 stockings in one year is a lot! Twice I've made two in one year - and that was a lot. I couldn't imagine doing five. But just in case, I did go to the fabric store one night. Have you been to the fabric store recently? Oh, my goodness. The price of patterns and fabric - you don't save money any more. You have to be sewing only because you want to create something hand made. And even though that was the idea, there wasn't going to be time to do it this year. So I gave up and purchased Christmas stockings with our names embroidered on them... I wasn't too sure if I liked them when I first opened the package, partly due to a bias about having store-bought stockings, but I took them home and one by one hung them on the fireplace and voila` it looks like a family lives here! Plus, it's something 'just us.' All of the other Christmas decorations, including all of the Christmas ornaments, are the ones I brought with me - they are 'my' memories. So, 'our' memories will start with stockings this year, and the ornament from our honeymoon, and one commemorating our first Christmas as husband and wife, and go from there. And that's a good place to begin, everyone will have a stocking with their name...

Thanksgiving, 2007

It was our year to have the kids on Thanksgiving Day. Like many kids in this genteration, they are all about entertainment, - sitting around the dinner table at home, talking, and/or playing games with the family afterwards isn't really their scene. They have to go somewhere... so, we made the decision to take advantage of "Veterans get in free" at Knott's Berry Farm. Ron and I got free admission, then it was only $12.99 for each kid - for a day at the theme park, that's a great deal. Of course that didn't inlcude the price of lunch - but that's another story. (We would have spent that much on food at the grocery store anyway).

Initially, I was fine with the plan. But then Wednesday night we watched this TV show on the history of Thanksgiving - about the whole family thing, taking time out of busy schedules to reflect on the blessings we have ... and I started feeling guilty that we weren't having a 'traditional' Thanksgiving. But as my daughter-in-law pointed out when I talked to her, I shouldn't feel guilty about not having a Thanksgiving they don't want anyway.

We enjoyed lunch at Marie Callender's and the afternoon at Knott's was fun. The kids took off to ride the roller coasters and other thrill rides...Ron and I walked through shops, and stuck to the rides rated 1 or 2 on the thrill meter. You know, the Merry-Go-Round, the Stage Coach, the Train, Bumper Cars ... I enjoyed the time with him without the distraction of work, TV, or the computer, he enjoyed just hanging out with the family, and the kids enjoyed doing their thrill-a-minute thing... In reality, we have 'thanksgiving' every night. We have dinner together around the table, we hold hands while someone gives thanks for the food, and we talk about the good things that happened in our day. So, maybe it wasn't a 'traditional' thanksgiving - but maybe the memories we create around the dinner table every night, will mean more in the end - than trying to do it all just once a year. And in the big picture, I guess that's what's really important - family and memories, and tradition.

Did You Notice?...

Last Sunday during our church assembly, Jeff, our youth minister, gave a couple of testimonies pertinent to our theme of the day - which happened to be "When Jesus Comes Into Your Life." One of the testimonies (or commentary) Jeff gave was in response to the question, 'How would Jesus react to strangers?' The gospels are filled with how Jesus would (and did) react to strangers, those who were sick, hurting, mourning, outcasts of society, sinners ... you know - people like us. How did Jesus react? He simply noticed...Anyway, Jeff related a story about he and his wife going to the local theater, already 'made up' for a Halloween party later in the evening. All painted up in their best zombie style - they were amazed at how little reaction they received from the other people at the theater - people all around, standing in the same ticket line, the same line to get popcorn, and a 'zombie' in line with them went unnoticed. We all chuckled at how 'odd' that seemed, at the same time realizing we've been there. Either as the 'unnoticed' person or the person 'not noticing.' It was food for thought... then after church Ron, the kids, and I went out to lunch. At the end of our meal, while the waitress was clearing our dirty dishes, Ron followed his normal habit of starting up a conversation. Not just the usual, Hi, how ya doin?... but 'Are you in school?".... "Where?"..."Do you play sports?" ... "Have you ever been to (fill in the blank)." While my stepdaughter, Sarah, and I were beginning to feel uncomfortable about his 'nosey-ness,' it dawned on me ... He notices! He always notices - especially the un-noticeable. And, I was no longer embarassed by his nosey-ness - I was embarassed by my lack of nosey-ness. (Although I do have to admit since I've been dating and now married to Ron, my interest/awareness level in others around me has gone way up. It's a new habit...). Who knows how many times Ron has been the only one to notice someone, or to ask the person cleaning up something about themselves. My heart grew even more in love with him that day. Sure, you can tell some people are uncomfortable - but at the same time, they are happy to be noticed, to no longer be 'invisible' ... I think that's what Jesus did, too. He noticed...

California Burning...so I made a list

Another October, and California is burning again. As I watched the fire burning in Malibu and Pepperdine University last Sunday as this week of firestorms began, my mind automatically went back to 1993, when my son, Michael, was attending Pepperdine and the hills were on fire, and the students were keeping vigil at the Firestone Fieldhouse. That year, some students left...some stayed. Michael was one of the ones who stayed, and even designed the T-shirt, which proclaimed "I survived the Fire!" Then, 4 years ago, in October 2003 ... fire raged again, day after day, the fire devoured more and more houses, trees, acres of grass. Smoke filled the air and ash fell from the sky and covered everything. Now, here we are again...

The fire in 2003 actually came closer to home than this one, but now I live closer to a mountain, which could one day be on fire. And so as I was watching TV and seeing people being evacuated from their homes, I started thinking...how quickly you can condense your 'life' down to just what you can carry in your arms or pack into your car. (How weird - another blog about 'stuff.' I think it's my third one this year.) Anyway, I took pictures of every room in our house and I started making a list, in order of importance, of what I (we) would take in the event of having to evacuate. Alot of it comes down to the time available. Do you have 5 minutes or 5 hours? My list began with:

1. Medications
2. Important Papers/Cash
3. PICTURES and SCRAPBOOKS (most of you who know me are probably surprised that's not number 1, it did come before clothes - so, I had to think about it!)
4. Clothes
5. ? whatever else I had room for and time to get.

When you start making a list like that, you realize (again) how insignificant the trappings of this life really is. Don't get me wrong, I still love stuff ... and especially my stuff. I looked around my home as I took the pictures, and made the list - so many things I have a personal attachment to - antiques which belonged to my grandparents, and quilts my grandma made being at the top of that list. And I thought to myself, I can't imagine how hard it is for these people to leave behind everything, not knowing whether any thing will be left when you return. But knowing your family is together and safe is what really matters. I guess when they knock on your door and tell you it's time to leave - you just go...

For a week now, we've been looking at the world through an orange haze, as though we have on 'orange-colored' glasses. The air is so filled with smoke, you can't be outside. I've taken the pictures and made the list, but I pray I'll never have to leave my home because a fire is threatening...(By the way, my stepsons' list were different than mine. Theirs began with: number 1, Skateboard...)

Evidence of a Life: One's Man's Trash...One Man's Treasure

Last Monday, 10/15, I embarked on a new adventure ... accompanying my new husband to a 'Storage Unit Auction.' You know those U-store-it units which are just about a dime a dozen these days, where people store their stuff? Well, frequently the people don't pay the rent on their storage unit, and eventually the contents go up for public auction. Ron purchases one or two units a year, and then sells the 'treasures' at consignment stores, on ebay, at the swap meet, etc.
It was quite an experience for me, and definitely way outside my comfort zone! But there were some interesting people there. One lady was 'buying back' her granddaughter's unit so they could get the boxes of family photographs...another couple have a used furniture store and are always looking for furniture bargains...another guy (and his wife) make the rounds at the swap meets each week... most of them knew each other, they were regulars.
This was a 'silent' auction. Everyone was given a number (we were #10) and a pad of bidding slips to write your bid. The good thing is you don't necessarily feel the pressure to increase your bid, when someone outbids you, like you would at a regular auction. On the other hand, because you don't know what the others are bidding, you wonder...am I bidding too little or too much? (For instance, the woman who was retrieving her family photos - bid all of the cash she had, $242. We purchased a unit for $6 and another person won with a $1 bid! When she found out she didn't have to wager everything she had, she was disappointed - but at the same time she wanted the best shot possible at winning the bid. It's a risk...) Anyway, you walk around the storage facility, the managers open the door for a few minutes for you to look in ... you're not allowed to go inside, or move anything to see what's behind stuff. You can use a flashlight to see into the dark, but that's part of the fun and mystery I guess. It's like a 'grab bag.' Some units are stuffed to the rafters...others have just a box or two... So, Ron bids $5 on a unit no one else placed a bid on. (I was confused on which unit he purchased and at first thought it was one overflowing with literally junk...he couldn't figure out why I was so upset. But then when we went to get the stuff out of the unit, it was a different one - one that had some nice stuff in it. I apologized...he was gracious...)
But as we're loading up our new 'treasures,' I couldn't help but wonder... were the items really someone's treasures, or were they already considered trash by their previous owners, just bits and pieces of a life no longer lived? There were photo albums filled with pictures, there was a professional portrait of a family, there was a Christmas tree and lots of Christmas decorations, there was a big box of Halloween decorations... They collected anything with lighthouses, there was an assortment of kids backpacks ... even a Bible - and I thought you can tell alot about someone by their 'stuff.' Which got me to thinking again... I love 'stuff.' What does my stuff reveal about me? Does it really portray what's most important in my life, or just that I 'collect' this or that... Going through this stranger's items, I wondered where are they now? Did the family break up through divorce, a death, why are the pictures in a storage unit? Was it just supposed to be a temporary holding place... Lots of questions... and not many answers. But it was a great object lesson. I don't want to just leave behind a bunch of 'stuff.' I want to leave behind memories that will linger long after the stuff is gone. I want to know my life made a difference in someone's life. I want to know my life mattered. I've been given a second chance to do just that - make a difference in people's lives. Besides my children and grandchildren, I have another family, too. A new husband and three stepkids - all of whom I love very much. It's challenging and I pray I'm up to the task... The whole adventure has certainly given me lots to think about and consider... and all because he made a $5.00 bid...

100 Days on the Other Side...

It's been a long time since I blogged, but then there's been a lot going on with moving, getting married, yadda, yadda - but since I blogged 100 days before getting married, I thought it would be appropriate to blog 100 days after getting married. Whew! it's been an adventure for sure. First of all, my wedding day was everything I dreamed it would be. I finally had the wedding I always wanted. It was beautiful...I was so happy...so relaxed...I had just a great time. It truly was one of the best days of my life.


So, how is my new life going? In many ways much better than I anticipated. Looking back over the blog entries prior to getting married, reading my concerns, but also remembering the 30 days of prayer (which has continued) for our life - I wonder why I'm amazed that God answered those prayers! Has it been easy? No!... but it hasn't been hard either. The kids have embraced the idea of routine, and order, and a schedule much better than I anticipated. There has been so much improvement in that area. I think they genuinely like knowing we're having dinner together around the dining room table each night. I love being married ... I love knowing there are going to be people at home, and I won't be alone every night. I enjoy running to the front door to greet my husband with a big hug and kiss when he comes home from work. I love hearing the kids tell me all about their day while we're driving home, or fixing dinner.


I'm tired though! Although even that is getting better. Most days I no longer feel as if I'm just going to fall over from exhaustion, but it requires a lot of mental, emotional, as well as physical energy to be a stepmom to these kids. But I love them, and it's really going very well. I praise God for his faithfulness in hearing and answering our prayers... I love that Ron and I pray every night together before going to bed... and I thank all of the many friends and family who have been, and still are in prayer for us and our family. I'm also glad I blogged some of those fears and concerns and can now look back and see the answers which have come our way. Thank you, God...you are so good.

If...

If the three words we most want to hear are I Love You, the three most dreaded words to hear have got to be what's for dinner? ... At least for me, cooking is not really my thing - it stresses me out actually and now, I've got my 3 soon-to-be-stepchildren/teenagers to cook dinner for. The first night, we ended up with Spaghetti with sauce from a jar (no meat) and salad. It actually was good. The next night, Ron (their dad) 'cooked' - he cheated though. He bought a complete chicken dinner from Stater Bros. Hey, I can cook like that! Last night was the first time we tried to use the very old oven in our new house, and I cooked meatloaf. Once it came on, the oven worked fine and the meatloaf was pretty good. (In my opinion, meatloaf is tricky cuz there are about a dozen ways to fix it and everyone has their favorite.) Anyway, Ron and I enjoyed a nice quiet meal together, cuz the kids were late coming home from their mom's (another story.) But then, just as we're cleaning off the table - here they all come. And, remember my 'cold water in your face' blog a few months ago - those first 5 minutes when everyone comes together? Yep, that's what it was like ... Aaron didn't want meatloaf (he doesn't like anything)...Sarah had an attitude (whatever!)...Matthew was cute though. He said, I'll have meatloaf. And don't worry about Aaron, he's just having a moment. You'll get used to it. My mom is used to it. It did help...still it's a little unnerving, you know. It all worked out, the meatloaf was finished off as well as the left over chicken from the night before. For our 3rd night, it was OK -and everyone was settled down by bedtime... and we actually got a few things done around the house. (we've all just moved). We'll survive... hopefully we will survive with few, or no, casualties!

R.S.V.P. ~ they're saying yes!

The wedding invitations were mailed last Thursday, and by the weekend we had already received RSVP's back! I was amazed...delighted...stressed! Now, that people are coming I've got to get everything finished. It's funny, I know. Though I hate deadlines, and do my best to avoid having them, I also work better with them. More RSVP's came yesterday and today. I've done more packing... and cleaning out. I've reserved the moving truck. I've talked to half of the utilities about transferring service. I've tied tags onto bottles of bubbles. I've started decorating scrapbook pages to frame and display. So, you can see I've been busy - plus I have a job! Wow, I'm really getting married...

Packing up the pieces...

I can't believe I'm packing up and moving out of my cute little apartment! But, of course, I'm getting married, and we've found a house, and so the next step is to pack up and move... I remember when I moved here almost four years ago (yes! it's been that long) - I couldn't imagine living here for more than a year - now, four years later, I can't imagine not living here. This place has been my safe place, my sanctuary, it's been ... home. It's where, even though I wasn't looking - I found myself. And it's where I found love again. Now, it's time to let go and begin another new adventure. For a girl who doesn't like change much, I'm about to embark on nothing but change! I think I'm ready for it though. I've actually become bored with my predictable, structured lifestyle and though I still want to maintain order and a schedule, I'm also ready for some changes...
And there's no time like the present. I packed 10 boxes today and cleaned out a bunch of stuff and made about 10 trips to the dumpster. I just sorted through and threw away a bunch of stuff when I moved here, how could I have accumulated more? It happens... The packing went well, I felt at peace about it, and felt that maybe - just maybe I'll be ready to move on June 1st... the wedding preparations will all get done in time and I will truly be able to celebrate on July 1st! In the meantime, there is more packing to be done.

A Place to Live...

One of the biggest challenges we have faced in the wedding planning is finding a place for the five of us to call home! Currently Ron and I each live in a 2-bedroom apartment. He brings 3 children to the new household...I come with a scrapbook room! Consequently, we need quite a bit of room. But besides the need for room, we have other restrictions to our search. We have to remain in the Redlands School District, the price has to be reasonable (and I mean rea-son-a-ble), and it can't take Ron too much further from the metrolink train station for his commute to and from Orange County. Other than that... The ideal location would have been actually in Redlands, so the kids could walk to school and a little less stress in getting them to their various after school activities. However, like much of Southern California - Redlands is a pretty expensive place to live and especially when you need a sizeable place.
We have been praying for a house, condo, townhouse - with a minimum of 3 bedrooms and the hope there would also be a place for me to scrapbook. While actually calling on a property in Redlands, I heard about 2 properties in Loma Linda, which is a little college/bedroom community on the outskirts of Redlands. Loma Linda is where Ron lives now and is in the Redlands School District. We found a 4 bedroom, 1-3/4 bath home, with a huge back yard and a bonus room off of the patio in a nice neighborhood for rent - at a price we could hardly believe for the size of home. It's kid proof, too - having tile and wood floors, no carpets to soil! It's not in pristine condition, but it's not torn up either. Trust me, in my many years of renting homes during my first marriage, I have rented much worse places! Anyway, after seeing the house, talking to the realtor (who we just hit it off with immediately), filling out the paperwork and waiting a week... we found out last Friday, May 4, that we were approved to rent the house! Oh, my! What a relief! We will get the keys on May 29 and one of us will begin moving in soon thereafter. We're still working out the who is moving when details...but we are assured of this: God is so good. Our prayers were too small, but God came through with more than we had asked or imagined! Praise Him!

It was a dark and stormy night...

An interesting beginning sentence to tell about "the proposal." But it had rained all day and been very dark and stormy. It was very cold after sundown, although the rain had mostly stopped. Now on to the proposal. Ron first asked me to marry him about a year after we started dating... over the next year, he asked several more times. Finally, he said, "I don't want to try to talk you into anything you don't want, or for you to say yes because I've worn you down. You know I want to marry you. You let me know when." It was probably around springtime last year when I decided I was ready. And since then, although the date has changed a few times, we (I) have been planning the wedding. We found the perfect engagement ring and put it in layaway July 2006, and Ron has faithfully and steadily been paying on it each month. I knew the final payment had been made because I had to go down to have my finger measured so the ring could be sized. So I knew it was coming- just not exactly when or how. When he called me Thursday night (April 19), he said he had made dinner reservations for Friday night and I probably wanted to bring my camera ... so I kinda figured I would be getting my ring. At 6:30 Friday night,April 20, he picked me up and we went to dinner at a quaint (and very expensive) restaurant in Redlands. We had a wonderful dinner, but he seemed distracted (even for him). I had already had our waiter take our picture at the table, although you can barely see us cuz he took it from across the room - why do people do that? Anyway... after Ron paid the check he took the box out of his coat pocket. He gave it to me to unwrap, but then I gave it back to him to open up the actual ring box. When he did, he simply asked, "Will you marry me?" I think I said yes, but I really don't remember. I did, however, take a picture of him putting the ring on my finger, so I must have said yes! Then the waiter came over and congratulated us, and took another photo. Then as we were leaving the people at the table behind us said congratulations. Our waiter followed us to the door and offered to take another picture of us in front of the restaurant and congratulated us again. The funny thing was how calm I was and how nervous Ron was! He said he'd wanted to make the proposal really unique and special, but he was so nervous, all he could say was 'Will you marry me?' and that was enough, of course. The ring is beautiful! And now, with the wedding only 70 days away (as of the date I got the ring) - I am officially engaged!

Where are they now?

You've seen those television shows or tabloid magazine articles about child stars and someone asks the question, 'where are they now?'... You know how I love to scrapbook, and part of that is the journaling, telling the story. A picture may be worth a thousand words, but without the words, sometimes the picture is ... well, an incomplete story. And sometimes, a picture can't tell the story at all. I said all of that because the other day I was looking ahead to my next scrapbooking layout (unfortunately, even though I was 'looking ahead,' it's really looking behind because I'm just now scrapbooking the fall of 2005!). Anyway, I was reading through my journal for November, trying to get an idea of the stories behind the pictures I had and once again, I was filled with thanksgiving that I do journal stories and days of my life because I ran across one I had totally forgotten. One that made me ask the question, 'where are they now?'
It was Thanksgiving weekend 2005 and the five of us spent the whole weekend together beginning with cooking Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday (and being thankful for the turkey) to leftovers Friday through Sunday and being thankful the turkey was gone! One night we had a family devotion, ending with everyone praying. Matthew thanked God for each of us by name...Aaron pretty much duplicated Matthew's prayer, then Sarah (who was 15) thanked God for each of us by name, too - but then added 'please let Dad and Deiga's relationship work out, let them get married so we can be a family, and let them be a good couple for you, Lord.' As I read, I remembered how I felt when she prayed that, how my heart was just so full, and wondering how was I supposed to pray after that -I was about to cry. They were all very interested in spiritual things then, very much liked going to church ... but now, 18 months later, I'm wondering 'where are they now' spiritually. I'm not sure they would pray those same prayers now. It just seems they aren't quite as interested in spiritual things, they go to church with us when they are with us for the weekend, but they seem to be fine if they don't go, too... and how will it be when we're married? I don't know... all I (we) can do is keep praying for them, keep taking them to church - exposing them to Christian beliefs and Christian people... and hopefully, continue to be positive influences in their life ... and hope that Sarah's Thanksgiving 2005 prayer is answered ... that we will be a family, and a good couple for the Lord.

At long last, it's mine...well almost...

You know I'm getting married in 82 days, but I don't have an engagement ring on my finger yet. This picture was taken last July (2006) when we found the perfect ring and put it on layaway. Ron has faithfully, and steadily, been paying on it every month since then and today the last payment was made! It's still not on my finger yet because it's being sized down to fit ... but soon and very soon... check back for the story of how he gives me the ring. I'm anxious to know myself!

How does it feel?...

Easter didn't really feel like Easter - there was no new Easter dress, no Easter baskets, no chocolate bunnies (or any other chocolate), no ham dinner, no Egg Hunt. For the most part, it just felt like a normal Sunday except Ron's son, Aaron, was baptized. Something he's been trying to accomplish for about a year. In the Baptist church, (or at least at Immanuel Baptist) you have to sign up for the Sunday you're going to be baptized. You don't just walk down the aisle and get baptized like at the Church of Christ. We had to be at the church early so Aaron could change (they do the baptisms first thing). While Ron was with Aaron, Matthew and I were standing in the foyer waiting to go inside and he asked me, "How does it feel to be old?" I asked, "Why are you asking me?" (sure, go ahead and smile...) But, then I realized that to an almost 11-year-old, 54 would be old... but I answered, "I don't know. I don't really feel old. I suppose you get tired easier, you can't do things you used to be able to do, you can't remember stuff... " come to think of it, maybe I am old! Anyway, it was quite a 'moment.' Reminds of the questions my grandson, Trevor, asks! Anyway, witnessing a baptism and seeing Aaron raised to new life was the perfect way to celebrate Resurrection Day! God bless you, Aaron.

30 Days of Prayer...

As I woke up this morning, the Lord put it on my heart to begin 30 days of prayer for the wedding, the marriage which follows the wedding, and mostly for his kids as we become a new family.

There are times when I question my ability to be a stepmom... will I have the patience... will I be able to handle the additional stress... and last night was one of those nights. As we were picking the kids up, it was the same ole thing - Matthew is missing (well, not missing - he's at a friends house), Sarah only wants to be with her girlfriends (normal for 16-1/2) and is fighting with Aaron (which I'm sure is also normal)... and it's just so different from my current day-to-day life. Those first moments with them is like having cold water thrown in your face - you wake up quick! But then it all settles down and things are fine. Last night was no exception. And, like most times we've had recently, it was the 'Three Musketeers' once again ... Ron, Me, and Aaron. He's starting to feel really special

So anyway, as I was saying - when I woke up this morning the Lord just put it on my heart that Ron and I need to begin 30 days of prayer. (I know biblically it should be prayer and fasting, but if I fast - there will be nothing left of me, unless my allowed liquid is a chocolate milkshake! So, we'll just go with praying...) Even though we don't see each other every day, we do talk everyday, so I called him when I got up this morning and told him what I felt. That during our last conversation of the day, we pray... he prays, and I pray. He agreed wholeheartedly!

At the end of the 30 days, it will be time to send out the invitations and I just want this totally covered in prayer. My theme during this prayer time is Philippians 4:13 "I can do everything through him (Christ) who gives me strength." - I can, and I will... but only with the power of God.

Providence or Coincidence?...

Three years ago today, shy little me ventured all alone to the spa at my apartment complex. No big deal, right? For most people, no... for me, it was huge. But I had hurt my back a couple of weeks before and it was still bothering me, so I thought maybe sitting in the hot, bubbly water would help soothe my aching back. Who knew I would find comfort for my aching heart, too? Because that trip to the Spa led to my meeting 'spa-man' - aka Ron. Funny how in the previous 8 months I had never seen him - even though part of that time he was on crutches and I think a 6 foot 1 inch guy on crutches would be noticeable! Then after that 'chance' meeting, I saw him everywhere --- the mailboxes, the parking lot, and the spa... So, was it providence or coincidence? For those of us who are believers, we know everything is by God's providence - that it is he who is in control and praise God, He is! Anyway, even after three years, I still find the story of our meeting interesting and proof that God is in the details of our lives. If I hadn't hurt my back... if I hadn't gone to the Spa that night?... If Ron hadn't gone to the spa that night?... If he hadn't said 'hi'... who knows what our story would have been?

100 Days...

Whoa! 100 days to go ... and the reality of getting married is really starting to sink in! But things are coming together.

For instance yesterday:

• His ring, which we special ordered a couple of weeks ago, is in.
• I found the Sparkling Cider on sale and picked up a couple of cases.
• I made the appointment for my wedding dress fitting.
• I began working on addressing the invitations.

All of that plus a full work day. My work day had an added bit of excitement though because our parking lot was used as one of the staging areas for the Redlands Bicycle Classic. We have a huge parking lot and every square inch was filled with bicycles, cyclists, vans, pop-up tents, RV's, and a few 'porta-potties' - it was quite a scene outside my office window.

Pray with me, and for me these next 100 days (and beyond)...there are so many thoughts roaming around in my head... so many emotions swirling around in my heart... and I am beginning to feel overwhelmed... that nagging feeling that I'm forgetting something. But, I've checked my list ... and I have the back up of knowing my daughter-in-law will be here in a few weeks, so she'll be able to double check everything with me.

Part of my 'new life' begins next week. I'll begin picking the two boys up from their Dad's house each morning and taking them to school on my way to work. It means I have to get up 1/2 hour earlier, and make sure I'm ready on time, hope that they're ready on time, and we all get to where we need to be... they are not used to as much structure or keeping to a regular schedule, so we'll see how it goes.

Did I mention there are only 100 days to go!

Shipboard Romance

103 Days to Go and not a moment to spare! Today (March 19) we booked our little honeymoon cruise! And would you believe, we got the last outside suite available on deck 9?! We'll have a partially obstructed view - but hey, at least it has a view... I am so excited! I'm going on a real live honeymoon, yahoo! I'm so excited because I didn't really have a honeymoon the first time around. So, I am really looking forward to our shipboard romance!

Besides booking the honeymoon, we also met with our realtor. Things aren't so bad... Ron still needs to clear up those medical co-pays for us to qualify for better loan terms, but even so it wasn't so bad. I think when he saw it in black and white and what the difference would be once those things are cleared off, he became highly motivated to get things done. The other piece of good news is that home prices are going down and there are several homes in our price range and some even in the area where we want to live. It's still not going to be easy ... we're kinda walking a tightrope right now. Home prices will probably continue to drop over the next few months - which is good...but loans will be harder to qualify for - which is bad. So, timing is critical - plus just the timing of when our current leases end, the wedding date - needless to say, our heads are spinning right now. But we feel good about what we accomplished today. We are also feeling very comfortable with our real estate agent and confident he will help us find the home for us. He came highly recommended from my best friend, and he's a member of the the Baptist church where Ron is a member. (A funny side note - Ron's ex-wife is a real estate agent, too and actually wanted us to buy a house from her! I think not... Her name is Christina ... which is also the name of the lender Ron talked to at the mortgage company. But when our real estate agent said today he had received paperwork from Christina, I thought Ron was going to have a heart attack! The look on his face was sheer terror... he was thinking ex-wife, Christina! Fortunately, I realized what he was thinking and reminded him the mortgage lender's name was Christina, too. He breathed a huge sigh of relief. We laughed about it later, but at the time, he was wondering how in the world Tina had gotten involved - it was a moment!)

Besides all of that, I also managed to scrapbook a few pages, and go to my step aerobics class at noon! It was a good day.

It's just 'stuff,' right?...

There's 109 days to go now until the wedding. I know I'm going freak when the countdown gets less than 100 days...well, freak might be too strong a word, but you know what I mean.

Anyway, on to my main topic...Stuff. I love stuff - not just any stuff, though. Mostly I like stuff for my house - it's all about creating a homey environment, a mood, a comfy, friendly place to be... but you shouldn't really need stuff to be able to do that ... should you? This is all coming to mind right now because 1) I'm getting married, and realizing 'my' stuff will become 'our' stuff... and 2) My fiance and I are taking a Crown Financial Class to help us overcome a big issue in marriage (and one of the factors each of our previous marriages ended) - money, finances, stuff! And I realized I have this obsession, for lack of a better word, about my stuff. Maybe obsession isn't really the right concept, but possession... It's not that I go out regularly to acquire more stuff...it's not that I've ever really been without stuff (although the threat or potential of not having stuff was there)... it's just that I'm realizing, I consider it 'my' stuff, and I want to possess it, and hang on to it - but at what cost and why?

I'm not sure when my possessiveness began. It could have been when I was in late grade school or junior high when my Dad went into business with a guy who basically turned out to be a crook. My parents had invested everything into this business, including putting up our possessions as collateral. In the end, my Dad had to get out of his partnership with this guy...there was no more money... and strangers came to the house to take our 'stuff.' ... I clearly remember hearing my Mom ask, "You're not taking the kids' toys, are you?" The answer was No... but there was such desperation in my Mom's voice, such heartbreak in the question. She was losing everything - that was OK, but she couldn't bear her children losing 'their everything.' Maybe that's when possessions became so valuable to me... or maybe it was seeing my friends able to buy homes, cars, furniture seeminly whenever they wanted too, while I had to wait for years. Like the 10 years I waited for new living room furniture. Now, while I was waiting I wasn't without furniture - I was never without furniture, or a roof over my head, or even a car to drive - although I had some cars that I didn't want people to know were mine! Still - I've never actually been without - I'm just scared to death that I might be without. The thought I might be that greedy is driving me nuts...and I'm not happy with myself about it.

Then to add to my angst, my fiance and I are hoping to buy a home. Certainly not anything grand, but a house with at least three bedrooms and 2 bathrooms - and hope that somewhere in there I can find a spot to scrapbook... but even our combined incomes don't really amount to what they say you should make to qualify to buy in Southern California - and in order to take advantage of the 'first time buyer' programs, the lenders say it's better to just go with his income (since I owned a home with my first husband). I have an appointment to look at houses with the realtor next week, sounds good, huh? But in the meantime, he's having to work on some apparently long-overdue medical co-pays which occurred when his first marriage was ending and either he wasn't aware of them or forgot about them or something... and it may jeopardize our chances of qualifying for an interest rate we can afford. The best option is to pay them off (a total of about $1,000) ... but that's one more 'thousand dollars' on top of the other 'thousand dollars' we're trying to come up with. It's tough...we're both stressed... and wondering how we will overcome...

Then the memory verse for this week's Crown class begins with, Everything in the Heavens and earth is yours, O Lord, and this is your kingdom. We adore you as being in control of everything.... So, I'm praying not that God will take us out of this but that he will bring us through this... It's a hard prayer for me to pray... I ask you to pray it with me....

Do You Have Any Pickles?...

It was just a few days ago, last Sunday actually. My soon-to-be-family were all at my place after going to church and lunch. Three of us were napping on the living room couches while 'watching' NASCAR...the other two (the boys) were watching skateboarding videos on the computer. You know when you're hovering in that between place of being completely asleep and fully awake ... you're aware, but you're not? That's where I was when I sensed someone looking at me, then I heard this voice whispering, Deiga?... I slowly opened my eyes and there was Matthew, soon-to-be-11 and soon-to-be my stepson, his face just inches from mine. When he saw my eyes open, he asked, Do you have any pickles?... Yes, in the door of the fridge, at the bottom...and I went back to my nap. It's not a major event in the grand scheme of things - but for right now, it felt kinda like family...

119 days to go...

Yep, the countdown continues to the BIG wedding day - and I've been quite busy since my last visit with you. I'm not sure which is counting down quicker the days on the calendar or the balance in the checkbook (probably the balance in the checkbook!). I've paid the deposit on the flowers... we've measured Aaron for his tux and paid to order it... purchased the favors... and the plates for the reception... oh, and I bought his ring last night. Way cool!

The BIG issue this week is to work diligently on the housing issue. Currently we each live in a two-bedroom apartment - but soon there will be five of us (plus a scrapbooking room), and we'll need a bigger place. A big place on a small budget is a tall order to fill in southern California, but we're working on it.

I carry my wedding notebook with me everywhere - it's got my ideas for decorating, what I want and don't want, who's who, vendors, receipts, etc., etc., etc., I'm glad I've been taking notes - some things I would have already forgotten had I not had them written down. It's crazy, but I'm having fun, too. I finally decided on the invitation wording, though I've still got to nail down the RSVP cards. I've updated our wedding webpage on The Knot and have the save the date e-card ready to send. I've listened to wedding music... I think I've found the perfect cake server set and toasting glasses ... So, many things to choose from - so many decisions to make. I call my daughter-in-law, Melinda, almost daily with 'what do you think about...?' She's been a great person to bounce ideas off of and a good source of ideas, too. She laughs at me though - she says I don't sound like her 54-year-old mother-in-law, I sound like a young girl in love... I told her I am. That in your heart, you're always a young girl... that's why it's such a surprise when you look in the mirror!

Finally a Valentine...

It was hard for us to schedule a time to celebrate Valentine's Day this year. We didn't even see each on February 14, although we talked several times during the day. We were planning to celebrate it on Friday, (2/16). But then that was the Friday night to begin the long President's Day weekend and everyone is trying to get out of town - including those, like Ron, who work in Orange County. It took him 2-1/2 hours to drive home! By then it was 8:30 p.m. and even though he stopped by on his way home, he was too tired and it was too late to celebrate. Saturday night is Sarah's 1st playoff basketball game... Sunday night I've got scrapbooking...how about Monday night? That works, we're both off ... So, finally a Valentine!

He arrived at my door at 6:00 with a beautiful bouquet of pink flowers, a really cute card, and an extra little surprise in his pocket ... no, not the engagement ring - but a beautiful Opal and Ruby necklace (how cute is that - red and white on Valentine's day?). I gave him a 'date in a bucket.' No, the date won't happen in a bucket. Inside a plastic 'paint' bucket, all decorated for Valentine's day with hearts and ribbons were the makings for a date. Gift certificates to the movies, After shave so he'll smell good (not that he smells bad...), and candy! A few pictures later and we're on our way to Outback for a scrumptious steak dinner, yummy! Finally a Valentine ... and worth the wait!

Ordering Bridesmaid Dresses...132 Days to Go...

The wedding is beginning to seem more and more real, especially as I start paying deposits to the various vendors! Today, Ron, Sarah (his daughter), and I went shopping for Bridesmaid dresses. There was a President's Day sale at the store where I had decided to get the dresses...and since Sarah's out of school today, it seemed like the perfect opportunity. Too bad Melinda (my daughter-in-law and the other Bridesmaid) couldn't be here - but she lives in Oregon. Anyway, you know how it goes - you know exactly what you're looking for...then you get to the store and it's not at all what you wanted! That's how it was today. I knew exactly what style I wanted for the two girls, but when Sarah tried it on - neither one of us liked it! Hm-mm. So now we start from scratch. I knew the color I wanted (eggplant) and I also had decided I wanted cocktail length dresses ... but other than that, let's see what you've got. Sarah, who would much rather wear her blue jeans and only wears dresses to Prom and Homecoming, was a good sport about trying them on - as long as her Dad stayed away. So, I left Ron up front guarding my purse and going over his part of the guest list. Meanwhile, the sales clerks keep bringing the dresses. Sarah and I have a good time ... and after about seven different styles, and an hour and a half, we finally settle on one. And, hip-hip-hooray - it's also the least expensive! Then it's measuring and paying and we're ready to go! One dress down, another to go - but it's one more thing checked off of my list, so I'm feeling good. I call Melinda with the new style number we've chosen so she can check it out on the website ... Now, we just have to find shoes (Sarah wears a size 12!) ...

138 days and who knew?!

Well, I knew and you knew...but not many other people knew that I was getting married for sure (or when). Partly I was waiting for the ring to be on my finger - it's in lay-a-way... but while waiting, I'm in the planning stages. So, knowing my boss - who is also my minister was going to be out of town on the day of my wedding, last week I asked the new youth minister, who happens to be one of my younger son's best friends, and someone I've known since he was a toddler if he would be willing to perform our wedding ceremony. He was delighted! But how was I to know he and his wife were so delighted and honored that they would include a little tidbit on their blog! So, you can imagine my surprise at the congratulations email in my inbox when I signed in on Tuesday. I guess I need to officially announce my upcoming marriage since it is now part of the wonderful world wide web! Once I got over the surprise, I was honored that he was so excited he wanted to share it as one of the good things in his week. So, save the date...Sunday, July 1, 2007.

Points to Ponder

"Nothing's easier than believing we understand experiences we've never had." (Gwen Bristow)
I love that quote, because it's so true. Why do we think what we've experienced is equal to or more than anyone else has experienced or is experiencing? Or that we understand how it is for them. I think that all came to mind while thinking about the tragedy of Anna Nicole Smith's life ... and death. Just another example in this crazy beginning to year 2007, to stop sweating the small stuff, more importantly to realize it's all small stuff. A reminder I always need...

144 Days to Go...

Yes, only 144 days to go until my wedding day. And, according to my wedding website's checklist, I have 176 things to do - 54 of which are overdue! Oh, sure - no stress here! Actually, some of the to-do items can be checked off my list. They've been checked off of my mental to-do list - but as time grows shorter, maybe I ought to convert the mental list to one that's more reliable (feel free to chuckle!).

I'll be honest, the concept of getting married again is frightening and overwhelming to say the least. And while I am enjoying the planning stages, I find myself looking beyond the actual wedding day, and honeymoon - to that true "first day" of my new married life...that day when I wake up with four other people in the house...kids to get off to school...kids to pick up after school...and my job in between...and that ever baffling question of 'what's for dinner?!' It's probably a good thing that during all the fun and excitement and romance of wedding plans, I'm remembering and thinking about the fact that after the wedding comes a marriage...

Lists

I love lists...I have them everywhere. To Do...To Go...To See Lists written on the pages of my daily planner. Grocery Lists hanging on the fridge with a magnet. Remember Lists on post-it notes in my scrapbook room, or on the bathroom mirror, the dashboard of my car - any place I need to 'remember' something. More than making lists, I love checking things off my lists. There is something so satisfying. There is a sense of accomplishment and achievement. It's proof you did something with your time. Maybe not what you really wanted to do, but something anyway. As I go along in my blogging, I'll add more lists ... today's list included adding a picture to my blog. One more thing checked off my list! Ta-da...

The perfect house

I'm planning to get married you know (or maybe you don't)... much depends on the ability to find adequate - meaning big enough - yet, affordable - meaning cheap - housing. Not an easy undertaking in Southern California. But today I found the perfect house, in the perfect location, for the perfect price...but it's too soon, I still have a lease on my current abode... I don't have the money yet, either (you know the whole first and last thing) ...and so, I'm afraid my perfect house will be rented by someone else within a few days. And I'm bummed about that - when I first heard about the house from the Sunday School teacher where my boyfriend attends, I thought to myself "does God answer prayers that quickly?" (we had just asked for prayers about our future and the need for housing) The answer is 'yes.' It's just I didn't tell God - not yet, in a few more months. (tee-hee). But, oh this house was perfect for me! Curb appeal on the outside, beautiful double entry doors, a large living room, with recessed lighting on dimmers, a fireplace and high ceilings. Oh, to cuddle up on the couch, a fire burning, wine glass in hand, enjoying a relaxing evening with my honey. A girl can dream, right... The kitchen had tons of storage and a window looking out at the sidewalk - you can see who's come to call. And it opened up to a good sized dining room, plus a counter bar area, which openend up to the patio. The long wall might have worked well for my temporary scrapbooking area - since my perfect house only has three bedrooms. But eventually, when the kids start leaving home....the first bedroom would be perfect for my scrapbook room. Double doors led from the kitchen to this room, which had a window overlooking the patio. Down the hall was the laundry closet (a bit awkward in the narrow hallway, but it was doable.) Another bedroom, then the Master bedroom, with its own bathroom, and door to the patio. And 2, count them, 2 closets - not walk-ins, but plenty of space anyway. At the end of the hallway was the main bathroom, and the door to the garage - which, because this house was the model at one time, was finished in pine, indoor/outdoor carpet, and air-conditioned! Access to the attic, which is big enough to stand up in... well, except for the aforementioned problems - I was home! So, pray along with me, that God will bring another 'perfect' house our way, when the time is perfect, too...

Perspective

It really is all about perspective. For instance...this past week I've been worried (freaking out is more like it) about my car breaking down, how much it was going to cost to fix it, could it even be fixed at all...and how all of that was going to impact my desire to get married in a few months (and already wondering how to pay for it). Then while I'm wallowing (yes, wallowing) in self-pity - I am made aware that things really could be worse.

The first thing that happened was I heard about an acquaintance whose husband had been home from Iraq for the holidays and while on his way back to the base to return to Iraq, he's killed. I mean he survives Iraq and he's killed on the way to the base?!...leaving behind his young wife (I can't remember now if they had children, but I think they did have a infant/toddler). Talk about life not being fair...it was a vivid and sobering reminder how thankful I should be for my health, the health and well-being of my kids, grandkids, boyfriend, and his kids... to never take one moment for granted... to plan for the future, but live in the moment.

The second incident was today a friend told me he had just found out his best friend had been having an affair with his secretary. Someone found out (or suspected) confronted the guy and now he's disappeared - just run away - leaving behind a big mess. The ripples from his actions will go on for a long time. Impacting not only his family, and the family of the woman he was involved with, but his church, everyone connected to that church and countless others. This rippling effect is not new to me...I know from personal experience the many ways this sin destroys lives. But, still, it was another reminder to be thankful for the wonderful man I have in my life now and to the best of my ability and with God's help and guidance - to always treat him with kindness and respect...

You know it's only been a little over a week since Christmas and the whole season which focuses on others and generally brings out the best in people - and like so many others, I had already slipped back into the 'old' ways - focusing on myself and my problems - when really compared to the shattering events these two families have suffered this week, I've got nothing to worry about and everything to be thankful for...

by the way, my car is fixed and for a lot less than I expected. Though I wonder if I deserve the mercy and grace God has given me in this, I am thankful for it.