Today...June 22,2009

Outside my window...city crews trimming trees.

I am thinking...about how to schedule my afternoon errands, and wishing I didn't have to do them.

I am thankful for... summer days I can spend at home, scrapbooking, reading, relaxing....

From the kitchen...brownies are baking in the oven, and they smell so good.

I am wearing...white jean shorts, navy blue sleeveless top and sandals.

I am creating...layouts for my in-law's 50th anniversary party in 2008.

Reflection...

Wow, I haven't posted to my blog in a long time. Too busy on facebook I guess! Anyway, this is a 'dear Eric' post I guess. When Eric was around 2 years old, I babysat him on Fridays. I brought him to work with me, he would play in the office most of the time. But around mid-morning we would go out to the grassy hill area and he would run around, sometimes play with his wagon, or whatever we brought that day - just a few minutes to get fresh air, get the wiggles out, etc. We would almost always walk up to the fence around the church property to see if there was any water in the drainage canal - usually there was, and even though it's a flood control canal in the middle of the city - there's still something peaceful and mesmerizing about flowing water...


That was 8 years ago. Now days, I still take a mid-morning break, only this time it's with Bon Jovi, my dog. We don't usually walk up the hill, but today I did ... and instantly, in a flash, I was standing there with two-year old Eric, hearing him say, "Look at the water, ma-Deiga." And I have to admit tears filled my eyes, and I could hardly bear the memory. I still have a plastic cell phone in my desk drawer that he played with back then, too ... and each time I open my desk drawer, the memories return. They never actually leave. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about Rick, and Eric, and Garrett ... and the time that is being lost. Time we'll never get back ... I know so little about them now, and they don't remember too much about me either by now, I guess.


But I remembered today...

Comfort Food...

Last night we had pork chops for dinner - one of the guys' favorite comfort foods. While I was frying the pork chops in a cast iron skillet, a 'gang' of au gratin potatoes were baking in the oven, and green beans were simmering on the stove top. Aaron came home about that time. When he walked in, he said "It smells awesome in here! What's for dinner, Deiga?" "Pork Chops," I said. "With a 'gang' of those great potatoes like last time." "Yep," I answered. "Awesome," was the reply. A few minutes later, Ron walked in the door..."Chicken or pork chops?" "Pork Chops." "Smells good!" But the highest compliment came while we were eating when Aaron said, "These pork chops are as good as grandma's!" Oh, my that's quite a compliment...and I knew, at least for today, I was queen of the kitchen! Pretty good for someone who still doesn't really like to cook, but is learning what pleases these guys. Plus, my hubby thinks I look sexy in my apron! You gotta love that one...

Happy Meeting Day!

Five years ago today, I met Ron Bennett (aka Spa Man), at the jacuzzi/spa in the apartment complex where we were both living at the time. I certainly hadn't gone looking for love that night, I was really seeking relief from a sore back. Ironically, earlier that day, I had discovered love letters from my ex-husband, written just a few years before he left - and love was the last thing on my mind. But that night in the Spa ... God rushed in and brought us together.

Funny, in the 8 months I had lived in the complex I had never seen Ron before - even though he had been in a wheelchair and then on crutches just a few months earlier following surgery for a ruptured achilles. Then as things go, after that first meeting I saw him everywhere! A few months later we had our first date and three years after that we got married. Soon we'll celebrate our second wedding anniversary ... how quickly time passes, and life changes... I'm no longer lonely, no longer bored, and happier than I have been in many, many years. Happy Meeting Day, Spa-Man! I love you with all of my heart...

Something to think about...

I discovered this 'anonymous' poem today... it made me think. A Builder or a Wrecker - which will I be?

Builders

I saw them tearing a building down, A gang of men in a busy town.

With a yo heave ho and a lusty yell, They swung a beam and the sidewall fell.

I asked the foreman if these men were As skilled as those he would hire if he were to build.

He laughed and said, "Oh, no indeed, Common labor is all I need.

For they can wreck in a day or two, What builders have taken years to do."

So I asked myself, as I went my way, Which of these roles am I to play?

Am I the builder, who works with care, Measuring life by the rule and square;

Or am I the wrecker who walks the town, Content in the role of tearing down?

Little Moments...

Most days it's not unusual for me to feel a little overwhelmed by my responsibilities as a stepmom. It's not necessarily hard, it's just overwhelming... because it's different. Very different from mothering your own children. It's not the act of mothering that's overwhelming (that comes very natural to me), it's the fact that you're 'mothering or parenting' on top of someone else's mothering/parenting - and sometimes it seems like it all gets muddied up in the process. (if that makes any sense!)



I sometimes feel guilty that I feel overwhelmed, because I have been blessed with a great relationship with my stepkids, which in a weird sort of way is why I feel overwhelmed - because you see, sometimes I 'forget' they are not my own, and so when they respond, or don't respond, as the case may be in the way I'm expecting them to - it takes me by surprise, and I have to remind myself, "oh, right, they haven't been trained or disciplined since birth to ... " But, I have to say that in another weird sort of way - it makes those 'little moments' much more precious. I love it when they happen, and I love it when I notice them happening. For instance, a few days ago Matthew called me just to tell me he knew what he wanted for his birthday. That seems like a small thing, but it's the kind of thing my kids would do. So the fact that Matthew would call me just to tell me made me feel more like a 'mom.' And last night, I was standing at the sink rinsing the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher, and Aaron was wiping off the table and telling me about something that happened at school ... again just the way my kids did when they were in high school... and I thought, "wow, I'm honored he shares his stories with me." (Do his 'real' parents know what they are missing?...) Little moments, they make everything else worth it...

Thursday Night Market Night

I don't think I actually blogged about it, but we moved to Redlands last July! I've lived in the communities close to Redlands for years ... San Bernardino, Highland, Grand Terrace, and Loma Linda. I have worked in Redlands for over 17 years, so I've been 'in the neighborhood.' But it's funny how many people have asked, "So, how do you like living in Redlands?" I thought it an odd question, I've never really thought about it. Honestly, I don't feel any different living in Redlands - except now I can't escape the downtown traffic! I have to go right through it to get from the kids' mom's house to our house.

Ron and I have been feeling 'in a rut' recently, feeling we need to do something other than just eat dinner and then watch TV everynight. So, since he was off yesterday for Lincoln's birthday, we could have dinner earlier and have more time to do something. Why not go to Market Night? It seemed like a very 'Redlands Thing' to do. Every Thursday night, they block off downtown and the town folk stroll up and down State Street checking out the offerings from local vendors... there are pony rides for little kids (in fact, my oldest grandson - Bevan had his first pony ride at Market Night 11 years ago!)... there are a couple of other kid rides ... there's lots of food to choose from... fresh flowers, fruits, and veggies... and some of the businesses which line the street stay open late on Thursdays. We asked Aaron if he wanted to go with us... Uh, no. Not with my parents! (I think we would crimp his style with the ladies!) But he said, 'you love-birds have fun!' (That was sweet...) And we did have fun. We spent most of our time in the Redlands Galleria, a consignment antique store filled with all kinds of treasures. The best part was strolling hand-in-hand with my hubby. Sometimes talking, sometimes listening to the sounds around us... it didn't' cost a thing, but the shared time together without the distraction of television, computer, or kids was priceless... Hurray for Market Night!