Dear Sarah...

(Sarah graduated from Redlands High School, June 11. At church last Sunday, we honored the graduates in our congregation with the parents reading letters to their graduate. This is mine to Sarah).

Wow, how you have grown since I first met you a little over 4 years ago. How can the beautiful young lady sitting here today, be the same gangly little 13-year-old tomboy I met back then? Sometime when your Dad and I weren’t looking, you grew up!

When I first thought about writing this letter to you, I wondered what I could say. After all I have only been part of your life for four years. I wasn’t there when you took your first steps, or your first day of school ... so, what could I share with you. But as I flipped through the pages of my journals, and the pages in my mind, I realized you may have only been part of my life for four years, but you’ve been a very big part of my life those four years and I’ve stored up many memories of you. Moments we’ve shared that hold a special place in my heart...

I got called into duty very early on in the relationship with your dad. Do you remember when I took you and your brothers to the 66er’s game while your Dad was painting that house (which you and I both agree took way too long). We had free general admission tickets. We sat on the blanket, watching the game, watching the people ... then a foul ball was hit our way. A thousand kids were tracking it...it bounced on the ground and up onto the awning just above where we were sitting, rolled off the awning and right into your hands! How we kept from being trampled by all the others trying to catch the ball, I don’t know - but you were so excited you ended up with it, and couldn’t wait to tell your Dad. I had a great time hanging out with you that night.

Then there was the time when there weren’t enough parents to go around. Your Dad was with Aaron at one football game, your Mom and Matthew were at another game somewhere else, and you had freshman basketball practice - so I took you. Since then, I’ve spent many hours in a gym watching you play basketball, and after four years I’m beginning to understand the game. But whether or not I know all the rules of the game, I have admired both your enthusiasm for the game and your intenseness as a competitor... and, of course, along with everyone else I love cheering for you whenever you make a basket or block a shot ...

I remember a day, when we all lived in The Highlands apartment complex, when you showed up at my door with a package of spaghetti noodles and a jar of spaghetti sauce asking if I could teach you to cook...now, that’s funny for several reasons. That cooking ‘lesson’ ended up with me fixing dinner and you instant messaging your friends on the computer... And, speaking of cooking, who can forget the Thanksgiving we cooked at home. We were all so thankful for the turkey dinner on Thanksgiving day...and just as thankful it was all gone on Sunday! We still laugh about that one...
The best memory of all was when your Dad and I got married last year. Yours and your brothers’ support of our marriage has made the transition into a blended family much smoother than I thought it would. And I smile every time a conversation begins with...."Do you remember when?...". it’s those common experiences and shared memories that have helped mold the five of us into a family and gives all of us a sense of belonging.

Beyond the memories of fun times and experiences we have shared, I have also enjoyed ‘watching’ you grow as a person. I have seen you handle difficult situations with grace and dignity. I’ve seen you cope with the unfairness in life - continuing to do your best even when the odds seemed to be against you...and I’ve seen you turn to God in times of stress - not as a last resort, but as the only One you knew could, and would, see you through the challenges you were facing...

As I proudly watched you graduate a couple of weeks ago, I noticed the inscription at the top of the stage at the Bowl..."Without vison, people perish." And it occurred to me that is what your Dad and I have been talking with you about a lot recently at the dinner table ~ to have a vision, a goal and just as importantly, have a plan on how to achieve your vision or goal, because without a plan to go somewhere, you will automatically end up nowhere.

This is the first time for your Dad, but I’ve been in this spot before, and I know one of the most difficult things to do in life as a parent is to let your children go. We spend our lives trying to prepare you to grow up and be independent and then when you are, we’re like wait, we’re not ready yet! We are afraid we haven’t prepared you enough, or equipped you with everything you need to make the right decisions, to survive, to achieve. In reality, it’s not that we haven’t prepared you, it’s because we want to protect you. It’s much easier if we can still make the decisions for you - because then we can keep you from making the same mistakes we did, we want to protect you from the big, bad world... but, we can’t do that of course, because now is your time...and we have to trust that what we have done is enough.

I know you have set a couple of goals - to play college basketball, and to become a lawyer - so while you are on the journey to achieve them ~ remember this, you have parents, and grandparents, and a step-mom who love you very much and you just go for it, girl!

The Road Home...

We've been house hunting... it may be all about location, location, location - but right now it's also about timing. The current housing market with lower prices and a huge inventory has made this the right time for us to buy a home in Southern California. Ideally, we wanted to purchase the home we have been renting.

1. Because we already live there (no moving involved)


2. It's big enough for all of us


3. We love the location - close to everything, but a very quiet neighborhood.


4. Did I mention - we wouldn't have to pack and move cuz we're already here?...

But, alas, we cannot buy this house. The owners want more than we can afford. But we had to ask you know - if you don't ask, you never know...

So, during the months of April and May, I looked at probably 15 houses. I narrowed the field down and then Ron looked at the top 3 or 4... We thought we had found the perfect house, even put an offer in on it, but the bank didn't want to pay the closing costs, and really didn't seem to be too motivated. There were renters in the house and I wasn't sure who would be responsible in their exit... but we liked the house, even though we knew it would need a lot of TLC before it was ready to live in. Nothing too major - except the carpet, which was 1) an ugly color of green and 2) very dirty (plus the tenant smoked, so you know it would be necessary to remove the window coverings, carpet, and paint all of the walls. An overwhelming task to think about - but we loved the layout, it had a master bath to die for! The location was good and we saw the potential ... but God had better things in mind for us...

Known by name...

I went to pick up a prescription the other day. As I approached the counter, before I even said anything, the woman working there said, "Bennett, right? You used to be Brummett, but now you're Bennett." I was shocked. "Yes," I replied -" it's Bennett now. I'm impressed you know me by name"... I paid for my prescription, but as I walked to my car, I was still shaking my head in amazement that in today's impersonal world - where we send email rather than handwritten cards, and text message instead of calling - a pharmacy clerk would know me by name. I felt so honored and special. And I couldn't help thinking, if I felt special because a pharmacy clerk knew me by name, how much more special should I feel that the God and creator of the universe knows me by name! In Exodus 33:12 Moses acknowledges God has called him to lead his people and that God knows him by name. And in Isaiah 43, God reminds Israel not too worry about what they are facing, because He has called them by name. God knew Moses' name, he knew the names of the people of Israel, and God knows me by name, too. He even knows the very number of hairs on my head. (and, judging by the amount of hair in the shower each day, keeping track of the hairs on my head would be a full time job right there!). Anyway, the experience at the pharmacy made a huge impression on me. So many people today are hungering for a connection. It's one reason kids join gangs, that need to belong, to be connected, to be known. It reminded me, again, how important it is to notice people, to make the connection and, when possible, to call them by name. It sure made my day...to be known by name.

In the company of Friends...

Ron and I decided we're an odd lot... because three of our best friends are stuffed animals! Really... It all began on Valentine's Day a couple of years ago when Ron took me to Build-a-Bear. I chose the softest, most huggable, teddy bear. We named him Roneoo, and he's has been my constant friend ever since. (an I love you message from Ron plays when you press Roneoo's paw) Then Junior came along. .. Jr. is a small Teddy Bear. My 'welcome home' gift from Ron on one of my return trips from visiting my kids and grandkids. Jr. was a welcome friend to me (and Roneoo) and the two of them are propped up on the bed pillows every day...and snuggle buddies every night. Then Ron and I got married, and one day - at the end of a stressful day, I walked into the living room and found 'Barney' (yes, of purple dinosaur fame) propped up on the couch. When I picked him up, and pressed my finger on his tummy - he sang: I love you, you love me. We're a happy fam-i-ly. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me, too! Well, what could I do but adopt Barney, too! He had made me smile ... Ron, who didn't really like the Barney videos, somehow took a liking to Barney and insists he stay propped up on the living room sofa pillows ... My first thought was, well - we'll see... but in the midst of my new crazy life with two teenagers and one who thinks he is... Barney is a sweet reminder of what is most important in this new crazy life of mine. Yes, we may be an odd lot - with three of our best companions being stuffed animals (who would have thunk it?). But when situations get tense, Ron simply pushes Barney's tummy and the song begins, I love you... you love me... we're a happy fam-i-ly... Yes, we are.

A Stocking with My Name...

I'm not sure I've ever had store-bought Christmas stockings before...but I was desperate this year. I had 10 stockings at my house and none of them had our names on them. They were the ones for my kids and grandkids. (Funny...since I've always been with Michael and Melinda for Christmas, I've always taken their stockings with me. And, they had my stocking at their house!)

I couldn't hang up their stockings if I didn't have ones for me and my new family. I thought about making them - but even if I was motivated, 5 stockings in one year is a lot! Twice I've made two in one year - and that was a lot. I couldn't imagine doing five. But just in case, I did go to the fabric store one night. Have you been to the fabric store recently? Oh, my goodness. The price of patterns and fabric - you don't save money any more. You have to be sewing only because you want to create something hand made. And even though that was the idea, there wasn't going to be time to do it this year. So I gave up and purchased Christmas stockings with our names embroidered on them... I wasn't too sure if I liked them when I first opened the package, partly due to a bias about having store-bought stockings, but I took them home and one by one hung them on the fireplace and voila` it looks like a family lives here! Plus, it's something 'just us.' All of the other Christmas decorations, including all of the Christmas ornaments, are the ones I brought with me - they are 'my' memories. So, 'our' memories will start with stockings this year, and the ornament from our honeymoon, and one commemorating our first Christmas as husband and wife, and go from there. And that's a good place to begin, everyone will have a stocking with their name...

Thanksgiving, 2007

It was our year to have the kids on Thanksgiving Day. Like many kids in this genteration, they are all about entertainment, - sitting around the dinner table at home, talking, and/or playing games with the family afterwards isn't really their scene. They have to go somewhere... so, we made the decision to take advantage of "Veterans get in free" at Knott's Berry Farm. Ron and I got free admission, then it was only $12.99 for each kid - for a day at the theme park, that's a great deal. Of course that didn't inlcude the price of lunch - but that's another story. (We would have spent that much on food at the grocery store anyway).

Initially, I was fine with the plan. But then Wednesday night we watched this TV show on the history of Thanksgiving - about the whole family thing, taking time out of busy schedules to reflect on the blessings we have ... and I started feeling guilty that we weren't having a 'traditional' Thanksgiving. But as my daughter-in-law pointed out when I talked to her, I shouldn't feel guilty about not having a Thanksgiving they don't want anyway.

We enjoyed lunch at Marie Callender's and the afternoon at Knott's was fun. The kids took off to ride the roller coasters and other thrill rides...Ron and I walked through shops, and stuck to the rides rated 1 or 2 on the thrill meter. You know, the Merry-Go-Round, the Stage Coach, the Train, Bumper Cars ... I enjoyed the time with him without the distraction of work, TV, or the computer, he enjoyed just hanging out with the family, and the kids enjoyed doing their thrill-a-minute thing... In reality, we have 'thanksgiving' every night. We have dinner together around the table, we hold hands while someone gives thanks for the food, and we talk about the good things that happened in our day. So, maybe it wasn't a 'traditional' thanksgiving - but maybe the memories we create around the dinner table every night, will mean more in the end - than trying to do it all just once a year. And in the big picture, I guess that's what's really important - family and memories, and tradition.

Did You Notice?...

Last Sunday during our church assembly, Jeff, our youth minister, gave a couple of testimonies pertinent to our theme of the day - which happened to be "When Jesus Comes Into Your Life." One of the testimonies (or commentary) Jeff gave was in response to the question, 'How would Jesus react to strangers?' The gospels are filled with how Jesus would (and did) react to strangers, those who were sick, hurting, mourning, outcasts of society, sinners ... you know - people like us. How did Jesus react? He simply noticed...Anyway, Jeff related a story about he and his wife going to the local theater, already 'made up' for a Halloween party later in the evening. All painted up in their best zombie style - they were amazed at how little reaction they received from the other people at the theater - people all around, standing in the same ticket line, the same line to get popcorn, and a 'zombie' in line with them went unnoticed. We all chuckled at how 'odd' that seemed, at the same time realizing we've been there. Either as the 'unnoticed' person or the person 'not noticing.' It was food for thought... then after church Ron, the kids, and I went out to lunch. At the end of our meal, while the waitress was clearing our dirty dishes, Ron followed his normal habit of starting up a conversation. Not just the usual, Hi, how ya doin?... but 'Are you in school?".... "Where?"..."Do you play sports?" ... "Have you ever been to (fill in the blank)." While my stepdaughter, Sarah, and I were beginning to feel uncomfortable about his 'nosey-ness,' it dawned on me ... He notices! He always notices - especially the un-noticeable. And, I was no longer embarassed by his nosey-ness - I was embarassed by my lack of nosey-ness. (Although I do have to admit since I've been dating and now married to Ron, my interest/awareness level in others around me has gone way up. It's a new habit...). Who knows how many times Ron has been the only one to notice someone, or to ask the person cleaning up something about themselves. My heart grew even more in love with him that day. Sure, you can tell some people are uncomfortable - but at the same time, they are happy to be noticed, to no longer be 'invisible' ... I think that's what Jesus did, too. He noticed...