At long last, it's mine...well almost...

You know I'm getting married in 82 days, but I don't have an engagement ring on my finger yet. This picture was taken last July (2006) when we found the perfect ring and put it on layaway. Ron has faithfully, and steadily, been paying on it every month since then and today the last payment was made! It's still not on my finger yet because it's being sized down to fit ... but soon and very soon... check back for the story of how he gives me the ring. I'm anxious to know myself!

How does it feel?...

Easter didn't really feel like Easter - there was no new Easter dress, no Easter baskets, no chocolate bunnies (or any other chocolate), no ham dinner, no Egg Hunt. For the most part, it just felt like a normal Sunday except Ron's son, Aaron, was baptized. Something he's been trying to accomplish for about a year. In the Baptist church, (or at least at Immanuel Baptist) you have to sign up for the Sunday you're going to be baptized. You don't just walk down the aisle and get baptized like at the Church of Christ. We had to be at the church early so Aaron could change (they do the baptisms first thing). While Ron was with Aaron, Matthew and I were standing in the foyer waiting to go inside and he asked me, "How does it feel to be old?" I asked, "Why are you asking me?" (sure, go ahead and smile...) But, then I realized that to an almost 11-year-old, 54 would be old... but I answered, "I don't know. I don't really feel old. I suppose you get tired easier, you can't do things you used to be able to do, you can't remember stuff... " come to think of it, maybe I am old! Anyway, it was quite a 'moment.' Reminds of the questions my grandson, Trevor, asks! Anyway, witnessing a baptism and seeing Aaron raised to new life was the perfect way to celebrate Resurrection Day! God bless you, Aaron.

30 Days of Prayer...

As I woke up this morning, the Lord put it on my heart to begin 30 days of prayer for the wedding, the marriage which follows the wedding, and mostly for his kids as we become a new family.

There are times when I question my ability to be a stepmom... will I have the patience... will I be able to handle the additional stress... and last night was one of those nights. As we were picking the kids up, it was the same ole thing - Matthew is missing (well, not missing - he's at a friends house), Sarah only wants to be with her girlfriends (normal for 16-1/2) and is fighting with Aaron (which I'm sure is also normal)... and it's just so different from my current day-to-day life. Those first moments with them is like having cold water thrown in your face - you wake up quick! But then it all settles down and things are fine. Last night was no exception. And, like most times we've had recently, it was the 'Three Musketeers' once again ... Ron, Me, and Aaron. He's starting to feel really special

So anyway, as I was saying - when I woke up this morning the Lord just put it on my heart that Ron and I need to begin 30 days of prayer. (I know biblically it should be prayer and fasting, but if I fast - there will be nothing left of me, unless my allowed liquid is a chocolate milkshake! So, we'll just go with praying...) Even though we don't see each other every day, we do talk everyday, so I called him when I got up this morning and told him what I felt. That during our last conversation of the day, we pray... he prays, and I pray. He agreed wholeheartedly!

At the end of the 30 days, it will be time to send out the invitations and I just want this totally covered in prayer. My theme during this prayer time is Philippians 4:13 "I can do everything through him (Christ) who gives me strength." - I can, and I will... but only with the power of God.

Providence or Coincidence?...

Three years ago today, shy little me ventured all alone to the spa at my apartment complex. No big deal, right? For most people, no... for me, it was huge. But I had hurt my back a couple of weeks before and it was still bothering me, so I thought maybe sitting in the hot, bubbly water would help soothe my aching back. Who knew I would find comfort for my aching heart, too? Because that trip to the Spa led to my meeting 'spa-man' - aka Ron. Funny how in the previous 8 months I had never seen him - even though part of that time he was on crutches and I think a 6 foot 1 inch guy on crutches would be noticeable! Then after that 'chance' meeting, I saw him everywhere --- the mailboxes, the parking lot, and the spa... So, was it providence or coincidence? For those of us who are believers, we know everything is by God's providence - that it is he who is in control and praise God, He is! Anyway, even after three years, I still find the story of our meeting interesting and proof that God is in the details of our lives. If I hadn't hurt my back... if I hadn't gone to the Spa that night?... If Ron hadn't gone to the spa that night?... If he hadn't said 'hi'... who knows what our story would have been?

100 Days...

Whoa! 100 days to go ... and the reality of getting married is really starting to sink in! But things are coming together.

For instance yesterday:

• His ring, which we special ordered a couple of weeks ago, is in.
• I found the Sparkling Cider on sale and picked up a couple of cases.
• I made the appointment for my wedding dress fitting.
• I began working on addressing the invitations.

All of that plus a full work day. My work day had an added bit of excitement though because our parking lot was used as one of the staging areas for the Redlands Bicycle Classic. We have a huge parking lot and every square inch was filled with bicycles, cyclists, vans, pop-up tents, RV's, and a few 'porta-potties' - it was quite a scene outside my office window.

Pray with me, and for me these next 100 days (and beyond)...there are so many thoughts roaming around in my head... so many emotions swirling around in my heart... and I am beginning to feel overwhelmed... that nagging feeling that I'm forgetting something. But, I've checked my list ... and I have the back up of knowing my daughter-in-law will be here in a few weeks, so she'll be able to double check everything with me.

Part of my 'new life' begins next week. I'll begin picking the two boys up from their Dad's house each morning and taking them to school on my way to work. It means I have to get up 1/2 hour earlier, and make sure I'm ready on time, hope that they're ready on time, and we all get to where we need to be... they are not used to as much structure or keeping to a regular schedule, so we'll see how it goes.

Did I mention there are only 100 days to go!

Shipboard Romance

103 Days to Go and not a moment to spare! Today (March 19) we booked our little honeymoon cruise! And would you believe, we got the last outside suite available on deck 9?! We'll have a partially obstructed view - but hey, at least it has a view... I am so excited! I'm going on a real live honeymoon, yahoo! I'm so excited because I didn't really have a honeymoon the first time around. So, I am really looking forward to our shipboard romance!

Besides booking the honeymoon, we also met with our realtor. Things aren't so bad... Ron still needs to clear up those medical co-pays for us to qualify for better loan terms, but even so it wasn't so bad. I think when he saw it in black and white and what the difference would be once those things are cleared off, he became highly motivated to get things done. The other piece of good news is that home prices are going down and there are several homes in our price range and some even in the area where we want to live. It's still not going to be easy ... we're kinda walking a tightrope right now. Home prices will probably continue to drop over the next few months - which is good...but loans will be harder to qualify for - which is bad. So, timing is critical - plus just the timing of when our current leases end, the wedding date - needless to say, our heads are spinning right now. But we feel good about what we accomplished today. We are also feeling very comfortable with our real estate agent and confident he will help us find the home for us. He came highly recommended from my best friend, and he's a member of the the Baptist church where Ron is a member. (A funny side note - Ron's ex-wife is a real estate agent, too and actually wanted us to buy a house from her! I think not... Her name is Christina ... which is also the name of the lender Ron talked to at the mortgage company. But when our real estate agent said today he had received paperwork from Christina, I thought Ron was going to have a heart attack! The look on his face was sheer terror... he was thinking ex-wife, Christina! Fortunately, I realized what he was thinking and reminded him the mortgage lender's name was Christina, too. He breathed a huge sigh of relief. We laughed about it later, but at the time, he was wondering how in the world Tina had gotten involved - it was a moment!)

Besides all of that, I also managed to scrapbook a few pages, and go to my step aerobics class at noon! It was a good day.

It's just 'stuff,' right?...

There's 109 days to go now until the wedding. I know I'm going freak when the countdown gets less than 100 days...well, freak might be too strong a word, but you know what I mean.

Anyway, on to my main topic...Stuff. I love stuff - not just any stuff, though. Mostly I like stuff for my house - it's all about creating a homey environment, a mood, a comfy, friendly place to be... but you shouldn't really need stuff to be able to do that ... should you? This is all coming to mind right now because 1) I'm getting married, and realizing 'my' stuff will become 'our' stuff... and 2) My fiance and I are taking a Crown Financial Class to help us overcome a big issue in marriage (and one of the factors each of our previous marriages ended) - money, finances, stuff! And I realized I have this obsession, for lack of a better word, about my stuff. Maybe obsession isn't really the right concept, but possession... It's not that I go out regularly to acquire more stuff...it's not that I've ever really been without stuff (although the threat or potential of not having stuff was there)... it's just that I'm realizing, I consider it 'my' stuff, and I want to possess it, and hang on to it - but at what cost and why?

I'm not sure when my possessiveness began. It could have been when I was in late grade school or junior high when my Dad went into business with a guy who basically turned out to be a crook. My parents had invested everything into this business, including putting up our possessions as collateral. In the end, my Dad had to get out of his partnership with this guy...there was no more money... and strangers came to the house to take our 'stuff.' ... I clearly remember hearing my Mom ask, "You're not taking the kids' toys, are you?" The answer was No... but there was such desperation in my Mom's voice, such heartbreak in the question. She was losing everything - that was OK, but she couldn't bear her children losing 'their everything.' Maybe that's when possessions became so valuable to me... or maybe it was seeing my friends able to buy homes, cars, furniture seeminly whenever they wanted too, while I had to wait for years. Like the 10 years I waited for new living room furniture. Now, while I was waiting I wasn't without furniture - I was never without furniture, or a roof over my head, or even a car to drive - although I had some cars that I didn't want people to know were mine! Still - I've never actually been without - I'm just scared to death that I might be without. The thought I might be that greedy is driving me nuts...and I'm not happy with myself about it.

Then to add to my angst, my fiance and I are hoping to buy a home. Certainly not anything grand, but a house with at least three bedrooms and 2 bathrooms - and hope that somewhere in there I can find a spot to scrapbook... but even our combined incomes don't really amount to what they say you should make to qualify to buy in Southern California - and in order to take advantage of the 'first time buyer' programs, the lenders say it's better to just go with his income (since I owned a home with my first husband). I have an appointment to look at houses with the realtor next week, sounds good, huh? But in the meantime, he's having to work on some apparently long-overdue medical co-pays which occurred when his first marriage was ending and either he wasn't aware of them or forgot about them or something... and it may jeopardize our chances of qualifying for an interest rate we can afford. The best option is to pay them off (a total of about $1,000) ... but that's one more 'thousand dollars' on top of the other 'thousand dollars' we're trying to come up with. It's tough...we're both stressed... and wondering how we will overcome...

Then the memory verse for this week's Crown class begins with, Everything in the Heavens and earth is yours, O Lord, and this is your kingdom. We adore you as being in control of everything.... So, I'm praying not that God will take us out of this but that he will bring us through this... It's a hard prayer for me to pray... I ask you to pray it with me....