There are Some Days...

...and this is one of them. I've blogged several times about the relationship with my stepchildren. Most of the time I have tried to blog about the good days and the victories.
Today's post is not about a victory. My now 18-year-old stepson was 11 when I met his dad, 14 when I married his dad and we have always had a good relationship. He was the one I bonded with first, and for the most part the one I've felt the closest relationship. But about a year ago, it's like he turned a corner and everything changed. One day he was the way he had always been ... and the next day he was this all-attitude-chip-on-his-shoulder-questioning-everything-teenager. We have had some difficult days in the last year. Twice, because of his attitude, we have sent him away from our house to stay with his mom (who lives in the same town). Twice we have allowed him to return to our home - with the understanding that his attitude needs to change if he wants to continue living here.
In all honesty, I can tell he's trying to 'follow the rules,' but it's like he's following the 'letter of the law,' but missing the intent of the law. And we have struggled... Yesterday, I felt I had reached the end of my rope in coping with his trying to go over, around, or through the rules instead of just accepting them. Maybe that's just too hard for a teenage boy these days... I don't know. I was upset anyway. I talked to his dad...his dad and I tried talking to him...again. I could tell from his posture that he wasn't going to listen to anything we had to say... that he felt our restrictions on him were unjustified... that he felt we were being unfair - and for a brief moment I almost changed my mind about having the conversation at all, but by now, his dad was all into the discussion.
I kept my words short. I kept my anger in check. I kept my voice soft. But what he heard was if he broke one more rule, he'd be asked to leave again. 'Don't worry about it,' he shouted. 'I'll leave tonight.' 'You're always on my case and in my face.' 'I don't care anymore...' and with that he got up, packed some clothes in a backpack and stormed out the door. His dad said, 'Be careful.' He said, 'Thanks for nothing.' And the door slammed shut.
My heart is aching right now. Aching for him. Aching for his dad. Aching for me. That's not what we wanted. Not what we planned. When is the time to let go? How do you accept that you've done all you can do, and now it's up to them? How do you know?
There are some days...

Thursdays with Ali

Thursdays have become my new favorite day.

Thursday is the day for my online scrapbooking class, Yesterday and Today, with Ali Edwards.

It's no secret I LOVE scrapbooking. It's my passion. It's my hobby. It keeps me sane. It brings me joy. But as much as I love scrapbooking, and for as long as I've loved scrapbooking, I needed a change from scrapbooking the way I've always scrapbooked. For 18 years, I scrapbooked chronologically thinking that was the best way to tell the story of my life. In order.

But once my life changed (divorce, being single, remarried, stepmom) - chronologically didn't work anymore for me. I feel as if I have two lives - one with my children and grandchildren (who live in another state), and one with my husband and stepchildren, who live right here in my house! Legally, we're a blended family, but realistically, we seem separate. There's the separation in miles, the separation in age.

And so, I've looked for ways to blend my scrapbooking style as I'm trying to blend my family. Last year I did the Becky Higgins' Project Life (which began as Project 365). A picture a day with the journaling and/or ephemera to do along with it. Love the concept, but just taking the picture, writing about it (or writing about something totally random like I usually did), then plopping it into a photo pocket page - just didn't fulfill my need for creativity. Oh, sure I was 'caught up,' sorta. But I wasn't happy with the process...so, I continue searching.

Yesterday and Today with Ali Edwards may not actually be my new scrapbook style - I think that will be Stacy Julian's Library of Memories. But Ali Edwards is one of my favorite scrapbook artists, and has always inspired me with her heartfelt ... and very real storytelling.

So right now, when life is a little more challenging than usual - with forces from within and forces from without causing a lot of chaos...it's nice to steal away for an hour with my laptop and be inspired by Ali to reflect on all of life - the good and the bad, the yesterdays, todays, and maybe even some tomorrows... to feel the creative juices being stirred. Stories... my story, bubbling to the surface.

Thursdays are the best day of the week right now.