Stolen Memories...

I was actually looking for a picture of Julian when he got his first guitar. (I want to do a scrapbook layout about him still wanting to be a Rock Star... )I had narrowed the time frame to Christmas 2004 because I remembered them being in Texas and him getting a guitar for Christmas, and since they moved to Oregon in 2005 - I knew right where to look. Funny how I can remember what pictures are in what years (well, most of the time). Anyway back to my point... I grabbed one of the three albums for 2004 and started flipping through it - I knew immediately that it wasn't the right one because I was looking for the last album which had the Christmas photos. But as I was flipping through, I found a layout titled, "Stolen Memories." It's about seeing my grandsons Eric and Garrett at my niece's wedding in April 2004. Here's the journaling ...

"It's the first wedding I've attended since my own marriage ended, but it's my niece's wedding so I have to go...I was a little nervous, or maybe apprehensive is a better word, about going...they are getting married on a yacht, and being stuck on a boat with everyone - and no way to get away was an uncomfortable feeling, but what can I do? I was especially nervous knowing I would be seeing Rick and Christy. The first time since last September. Would they bring Eric and Garrett?...would they speak to me?... or just ignore me?... I guess we'll find out. I drove down with Mom and Dad and we pulled into the parking lot at the same time as Rick and Christy - so here goes. When they saw me, they said, "Hi,"... I said, "Hi," and then I took a chance and walked over to speak to the boys who were already in the stroller by the time I walked the short distance. Eric, at 5, remembers who I am and was happy to see me. But even Garrett, who will be two next month, recognized me and gave me a big smile. Rick and Christy quickly started walking toward the dock and there was no way we could really keep up, but both Eric and Garrett kept turning around in the stroller trying to get another glimpse of Ma-Deiga. As hard as it was to endure, it made my heart sing to know that they were as happy to see me as I was to see them! After the initial hello, Rick and Christy pretty much ignored me the rest of the afternoon. While waiting to board the yacht, I did ask Rick if I could take Eric and Garrett's picture. He said, yes - but they had to stay in the stroller. Christy just rolled her eyes and walked away I guess - since she's not in the background. (Oh, yea, being on a boat with them will be fun!) I talked to the boys for awhile and then not wanting to make it any more uncomfortable, I talked to other guests as they arrived. After the ceremony, while we were waiting for the wedding party to finish taking pictures, and before eating lunch, mom and I sneak a few photos of them blowing bubbles. Eric would peek around Rick, blow bubbles, and at one point said, "I was waiting to blow bubbles until you took my picture, Ma-Deiga." I wanted to tell him sh-h-h, don't let mommy and daddy know you are talking to me they might move you away, but I couldn't do that...I wanted to hold them, give them hugs and kisses - but I couldn't do that either...it's such a sad situation on a happy day. But at least I got to see them, and talk to them a little and secretly take a few photos...stolen memories. (aren't they adorable?)"

I didn't consciously remember that story -until I saw it on the scrapbook page. And, isn't that why we (I) scrapbook? To remember the days - good or bad, and moments which make up our lives. (And who knows, maybe one day Eric and Garrett will look me up and come see me and I can show them this scrapbook page and they will know that I tried whenever I could to be with them.)

September 23, 2010

(the body of this post was actually written on September 20, while I was on the airplane flying from California to Oregon)
I Am: On Horizon Airlines flight 7548, flying from Ontario, California to Portland, Oregon to visit Michael and Melinda and to celebrate Bevan's 13th birthday...
I Remember: The first time I took a flight to celebrate Bevan's birthday, September 1998, your first birthday. I flew from Ontario, California to Lexington, Kentucky (where you were living with Noni and Granddad). How could 12 more years have passed since then? So many things have changed ...

* East Coast vs. West Coast (2 hour flight in the same time zone as opposed to 5-1/2 hour flight in multiple time zones.)
* You were the only grandchild, now there are four kids in your family.
* I was still married to your grandpa (but that marriage ended 7 years ago, and I've been married to Ron Bennett for the last 3 years.
* Then I was very nervous (terrified is a better word) about flying. I had everyone praying with me for a guardian angel to keep calm. The prayers worked and God did provide the calming presence I needed. Thankfully in the years (and birthday trips) which have passed, I have grown very comfortable with flying - though I still pray for safekeeping and peace.

One thing hasn't changed: The thrill I feel each time I'm on a trip to visit you. You changed my life when you were born. I thought I had experienced the greatest joy and love when my own kids were born, but there is something even more special about grandchildren.

Happy 13th Birthday, Bevan! I am so happy I get to be with you to celebrate!

Church Family...

A church home...a church family...something I guess I've always taken for granted because I've always had one. Matthew (and Sarah and Aaron) have not. Oh, they've gone to church pretty regularly but not to the same church and not long enough to cultivate relationship, friendship, that sense of family and support you find when those relationships are made. So it was eye-opening when a few weeks ago Matthew said, "It's kinda cool to go to the same church all the time - where people know you." Then yesterday after church, he helped wash dishes after the teen fund-raiser lunch. (OK, he didn't volunteer to help, but he still helped). Afterwards, he said "I actually have a friend at church. Not just one you say, 'hey, what's up,' but we really talk..." It goes right along with what Ron and I have been reading in the Purpose Driven Life Book, God designed us to be part of a church family. Now I see from a new perspective how important it is.

Things aren't as they appear...

Early Tuesday morning, August 24, 2010... at 4:00 a.m., I wake up to Ron's alarm going off. I reach over to wake him up, but he's not there. I look in the bathroom - nothing. I look in both boys' bedrooms - they are sound asleep but no sign of their dad. I go downstairs, he's not on the couch, or at the desk. I feel around in the predawn darkness for his cell phone - it's gone... I look in the garage, empty except for my car. I go outside, the driveway is empty, his car is gone... when I come back in and go back upstairs to our bedroom, his wedding ring is on the dresser. At first glance it might seem like a troubled relationship...but things aren't as they appear.

Ron has trouble with his esophagus tightening up if he's really, really hungry and eats too fast. Last night, we were trying to have a nice going-away-to-college dinner with Sarah (who is going to Pepperdine tomorrow), but it's not working. She's tired, Ron's throwing up every couple of bites cuz the first two pieces of meat are lodged and not moving up or down. Sarah leaves at 8:00 p.m. Ron continues to have problems (it's never been this bad before). But just before we go to bed, (after vomiting for the 10th time) he thinks the problem has resolved itself ... I was just about to ask if he wanted to go to Urgent Care, but when he said he thought he was OK. Well, I didn't ask...

So, when I couldn't find him this morning -there was a brief moment of panic and then I figured he probably drove himself to the ER. Why didn't he wake me up? He thought I would be too sleepy from my sleeping medicine the night before and he would be in better shape to drive than I would plus I have to take the kids to school. Still it would have been nice to at least wake me up!

I tried calling the hospital, but had trouble getting through until around 6:00 a.m. when my alarm went off. Sure enough, he was there. They were going to sedate him to remove the two pieces of bar-b-qued rib from his esophagus. I would need to come pick him up because he wouldn't be able to drive. I got there just as they were about to begin...it only took about 30 minutes and then he was awake enough for me to see him. CRAZY!!

But the empty bed, the wedding ring on the dresser, the car gone - things are not as they appear most of the time...

Wuv, Tru Wuv

Ron and I had watched The Princess Bride Saturday night - so, 'wuv, tru wuv' was on our minds. Then last night, we're sitting around the dining table talking to Aaron and Matthew and in the course of the conversation we find out that the parents of one of Matthew's friends is getting a divorce. (The guy was having an affair, just 'wasn't interested' in his wife anymore. Now, after many years of marriage and 5 kids, he's not interested anymore ...pah-leese!) Anyway, we kinda talked about what true love is, that the warm-fuzzy-lusting-feelings can and will come and go in a long relationship, BUT true love, real love does last forever and is what marriage is really all about. The kids seemed to understand...

A little later, Matthew came downstairs while I was watching TV and he said, "It just dawned on me. All of my friends parents are divorced now. It's like an epidemic." He paused, "But it won't happen to you..." "No," I assured him. "It won't happen to us." It's such a sad commentary on life right now for so many people. How desperately we need to pray for the protection of our marriages, pray for the future wives and husbands for our children. Satan is having his way right now, and people are suffering, lives are shattered. But ...

Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam... wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva... So tweasure your wuv. (from the movie, The Princess Bride)

Life Right Now...

Yesterday was the first day of school. It's a milestone day this year - it's the first day of Matthew's first year in high school, it's the first day of Aaron's last year in high school. And, how cool is it that they can experience this milestone together ... brother to brother.
But school starting changes 'life right now.' Because ever since school ended a few months ago (wow, the summer went by fast), I've enjoyed my mornings and breakfast alone - that sounds a little weird since one of the reasons I give for getting married again is to have someone to eat dinner with :) and that's still true. I want and need someone to share dinner, but I love breakfast alone - just me, my coffee, favorite cereal, 1/2 of an english muffin with homemade apple butter (from my grandma's recipe), and whatever book I'm reading at the moment... ah, a peaceful way to start my day.
Now, just as I'm sitting down to breakfast there are two boys running down the stairs, throwing back packs on the floor, fighting over who gets to use the toaster first... laughing, punching each other (the way brothers do you know)... so, I close my book, say good morning, and believe it or not... enjoy life right now.

D-R-A-M-A

Since I became a wife for the second time, and step-mom to three, it seems my life has way more drama than before. (I know you other stepmoms know what I'm talking about). Anyway, yesterday I walked down the stairs for my morning coffee - when I was surprised by my fully-clothed husband sleeping on the couch! It scared me because I wasn't expecting to see him. I woke him up and he told me his car wouldn't start, he thought it was the battery. So, as I left for work, he took off for Wal-Mart to get a new battery. They checked his car, said the battery was fine. Hm -mm they said that a couple of weeks ago, too, when he thought he needed a battery. He decides to take the car to our 'hometown' mechanic, Beach Boyz. They are swamped, but will try to get to it by the afternoon. He calls me at work at 9:30 a.m. to come pick him up at Beach Boyz and take him home.
While I'm driving to pick him up, Sarah calls. She needs to rent a car for her drivers license test tomorrow (because her mom's car won't pass inspection), and could I transfer $70...then a text message changing it to $50. I explain I'm on my way to pick up her dad, who is also having car trouble, and I will transfer the money when I get back to the office. On my way back to the office after dropping the husband off at home, she calls again - now the rental company needs to know there is $250 in the account (probably to cover the deductible)...she'll need $250 to put into her mom's account until they return the rental and then her mom will transfer it back. Uh, big RED Flag! (without spelling out the details, her mom has a habit of making everyone's money disappear). So, I call Ron and explain it to him -he agrees with me that if we transfer that money, it will be gone...forever.
Ron calls Sarah and advises her against it. She was worried about the same thing, but she doesn't want to miss her test. So, since he's off for a couple of days, he offers to let her use my car - they'll practice driving around tonight and then again before her 1:30 appointment tomorrow. She's a little unsure - but I remind her she wouldn't be familiar with the rental car either.
And that's what they did ... me, I stayed home and looked at a Scrapbooking magazine, enjoying the peace of a quiet (drama-free) house. It's good for now, but soon I'll be missing all of the drama ...

Summertime!

A couple of weeks ago, I went to my Mom and Dad's house. It was my Dad's birthday and I wanted to spend a little time with him and wish him a happy birthday. I also wanted to get dates and information on some 'old' pictures. (I hesitate describing them as 'old' because they are pictures of me!...so, you know - who wants to know they are old?!) Anyway, one of the pictures was me, just a few days before my 4th birthday, high atop my new slide in the backyard of our new house in Oklahoma City. (We all live in California now) Wow, it's amazing how one single image can bring back such a flood of memories! How well I remember spending so much time at the top of that slide - surveying the neighborhood, and singing at the top of my lungs! What song did I sing the most?...John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt!

(here are the lyrics)

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt,
His name is my name too.

Whenever we go out,
The people always shout,
There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.

La la la la la la la (repeat, each time getting softer)

It was also from this lofty perch that I would watch my parents and their friends from church (the young married w/children group) laugh and talk and have so much fun while making and eating homemade ice cream, or fresh watermelon. Remember the old (there's that word again!) ice cream freezers you had to crank by hand? The cranking started out easy, but as the ice cream got thicker, the cranking got harder, and the men usually had to take turns as their arm would get sore. I was usually the one to sit on a towel on top of the ice cream freezer, to keep the ice cream container from 'jumping' off of the turning peg at the bottom of the bucket. I'd have to move when they needed to check to see how 'hard' the ice cream was getting, or when they needed to add more ice and more rock salt. And when it was finally finished, nothing tasted better on hot, humid, Oklahoma nights than homemade ice cream...especially if you're sitting at the top of the slide in your own backyard. Just don't eat it too fast or you get major 'brain-freeze.' Aw- memories of summer and childhood...

These are the Days . . .

Time really does fly sometimes, and last week we watched Sarah, wearing her signature flip flops with her cap and gown, graduate with honors, from Mt. San Jacinto Community College. Amazing!

As with most Bennett family outings, this one was kind of a wild ride at times. Graduation was at 6:00 p.m. at the Ramona Bowl in Hemet. 51 minutes away according to Yahoo Maps. Ron got off a little early and was supposed to be home by 4:00 ... I worked my normal day, picked up the boys and was home by 4:15 - didn't figure it would take long to change clothes, (I wish I had a photo, because I had a really cute outfit on!) and get on the road by 4:30-ish. Uh...wrong, again. Ron wasn't home by 4:15, he wasn't home by 4:30, somewhere near 4:45 he walks in the door, hot and tired. Aaron, who decided he had to take a shower is still walking around in just a towel ... when he finally comes downstairs I'm grabbing a jar of peanut butter and a box of crackers to take with us. We have no time for dinner before we go...and we have no money to eat dinner out... he yells, "We have no dinner!" "No. Not really. Not until we come home, and then it's leftovers." He and Matthew grab a bag of Chex Mix and some chips ... we finally rush out the door, with barely 51 minutes until 6:00 p.m. How will we get there, park the car, and find seats in so little time? (You can imagine this is driving me crazy!)

According to the school's website there are over 1500 students receiving their degree tonight. We were so lucky Sarah is an Honors graduate, because they got to walk first. Even so, by the time they had the faculty speaker, and the student speaker, a musical number, it was 7:30 by the time she walked... and when she walked, we walked. We were starving, and knowing we were going to have to go home to eat anyway, there was really no way we could stay. Plus, we knew she would be going out afterwards with friends and her mom ... so, watching her walk was it for us. It was a beautiful venue, a beautiful night - perfect temperature. We walked back to the car, opened our crackers and peanut butter and chex mix and had a snack to see us home ...

I suppose these are some of the days and stories we'll remember and laugh about one day, but tonight not being part of the celebration afterwards, not having pictures taken with her in her cap and gown, not having money to eat out even without her joining us are not very fun days now. We are enormously proud of her though and that we can celebrate - even with peanut butter and crackers on the hood of the car...

I repeat...each day has enough trouble of its own!

Ha! Just re-read my 'toiling and spinning' post. The day after posting, we got the bad news that our a/c -heating unit has to be replaced. Ugh... our emergency fund didn't plan on that costly of an emergency and so, we'll be toiling and spinning (the numbers) trying to pay for the new a/c over the next 6 months. Yesterday I was totally freaking out, even had a mini meltdown over the situation...but as Matthew 6 states, no amount of worrying will change the situation. So, today I'm thankful we have friends who own a Plumbing and Heating business... who will let us take 6 months to pay... and thankful to God above who knew we needed Matthew 6!

Toiling and Spinning ...

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life...See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. from Matthew 6

A couple of days ago, I was finishing the last few sips of my morning coffee, enjoying reading a few pages from Philip Gulley's book, Porch Talk. I love his books, they're inspirational, practical, and many times - like on this particular day, they really make me think about my life. The Slow Life was the chapter's title. It was talking about how we're so busy living the good life, we've forgotten how to enjoy life. That struck a chord with me. I've been thinking alot about the busyness of life these days, how we got where we are and is there really any chance of living (and enjoying) the slow life... The chapter ended talking about how Jesus always lived life at the right speed. I mean he only had three years in 'active' ministry to get things done, to train the disciples, to do everything... so how was he able to take the time to see situations and people that other people, who were living life in the fast lane, missed (or maybe just dismissed...)? The author quoted the scripture reference above, from Matthew 6, about worrying, and toiling and spinning ... toiling and spinning? sounds like my life right now. And yet, for all of the toiling and spinning I'm still not accomplishing what I want to get done. I'm still running out of time... more than that I get irritated and frustrated with those who are not living life as fast paced as I am thinking that if I'm toiling and spinning, they should be too! :) How crazy is that?!

So, I've decided two things. First, I'm going to focus my morning Bible reading on the life of Jesus, in particular the scriptures referring to when Jesus rested, spending time in prayer with the Father, refreshing and preparing himself for the journey...Secondly, I'm going to practice (and it will take practice) relaxing - pacing life to the right speed. Enjoying the relationships with my husband, stepkids, kids, grandkids and friends - trying not to worry about what's 'not getting done.' ...Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own... Ain't it the truth!